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Wake N’ Blog: Talk About Anal Retentive – Inmate Smuggles 30 Items Into Jail Up Inside His Poop Chute

Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.

• Sometimes, these little odd news nuggets I use to start off the day require little embellishment to make them amusing. This is one of those occasions. Neil Lansing, 33, has been charged with drug possession after authorities discovered 30 items inside his anus. The laundry list of contraband: 17 blue pills, a cigarette, a coupon, six matches, a flint, a syringe, some lip balm, an unused condom and a receipt from CVS. Wow. [msnbc]

• Just so you know, Donald Trump will never own the Mets. [Larry Brown Sports]

• Michelle Wie is an aspiring journalist. Also: very pretty. [Waggle Room]

• Boy, that Dana White sure is a good sport. [Deuce of Davenport]

• HHR lands an interview with MLB 11 The Show cover boy Joe Mauer. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

• The NFL has increased its offer to the displaced refugees of Super Bowl XLV. Let’s have a telethon and be done with this crap. [Shutdown Corner]

• It’s pretty apparent nobody liked ESPN’s sky cam coverage of college basketball. [Awful Announcing]

• Ron Artest is a big fan of teammate Lamar Odom’s unisex fragrance. [That NBA Lottery Pick]

• No Twitter during the Cricket World Cup? That’s like, censorship, man. [Off the Bench]

• Syracuse men’s basketball coach Jim Boeheim is a crybaby. [Rumors & Rants]

• Little kid is not pleased that Michael Young might get traded. [Unathletic]

• Dustin Byfuglien got paid, y’all. [Puck Daddy]

• Ever heard of Beaver Nut Scrub? Find out what exactly this hilariously named product is. [Busted Coverage]

• Headline: “Brewers racing sausages report to camp in best shape of their life” I can see that. [TAUNTR]

The Onion Headline of the Day: Magazine Announces Plans For Special ‘Sex’ Issue

Site Note: I’ll be in and out of meetings and at appointments outside the office the majority of the day, so content at the Sportress today might be sparse. I know that sucks, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles when you’re fearless sports blog leader is a high-rolling, wheeler and dealer such as myself.