S.O.B.’s Super-Duper, Supremely Sassy Super Bowl XLV Preview
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That’s right. I referred to my sponsored Super Bowl preview post as “Sassy!” Hey, if it’s good enough for a classic Saturday Night Live skit featuring the magnificent Phil Hartman, well, you’re darn tootin’ it’s good enough for me. So there.
Moving on, we have finally arrived at the much hyped, much ballyhooed culmination of yet another outstanding NFL season. Of course, I am referring to the fact that the Pro Bowl has mercifully been played and I didn’t catch one second of it.
Kidding, of course – not about the Pro Bowl, but the fact that said exercise in banality is the culmination of the NFL season. I am of course referring to Super Bowl XLV. And unless you are some kind of twisted freak who eschews major cultural events just to be different and put yourself up on a pedestal, I imagine not only are you well aware that Super Bowl Sunday is nearly upon us, but that you have already made iron clad plans as to what you’ll be doing during that blessed day. Of course, it involves a ridiculous amount of overeating and sitting around, two fixtures of the American Dream. I guess what I’m getting at is I find it highly unlikely that any of you out there reading a sports blog will not be having the following exchange with your pastor/reverend/priest/rabbi/cult leader on Sunday, as played out on The Simpsons:
Reverend Lovejoy: Well, I’m glad some people could resist the lure of the big game.
Guy: Oh my god, I forgot the game!
Yeah, I’d be very disappointed in any person who would allow something like that to happen. Shameful.
Now here is where I would usually preview the matchup, but I’m fairly confident every single person is pretty much punch drunk as it pertains to the mind-numbing analysis performed on the Super Bowl. Heck, even those annoying old farts from the “Never Miss A Super Bowl Club” could even tolerate another iota of information at this point, so for your sake, I will not bore you with such trivialities. I will, however, highlight some of the Super Bowl coverage which has occurred on this here very site over the past few weeks. No, I do not think it is hypocritical to complain about how the Super Bowl is over-hyped and then over-hype my coverage of the very same over-hyped event. It’s a fine line we’re treading here, people.
- Suck It, Dandruff-Headed Troy Polamalu, Clay Matthews Just Signed On With Suave
- Aw Jeez: Now The Training Camp Sites Of The Steelers And Packers Are Making Wagers
- Start ‘Em Young: Pittsburgh Hospital Wrapping Newborns In Terrible Towels
- Lame: Greene County In Pennsylvania Changing Name To ‘Black & Gold’ County
- Jeremy Piven’s Offhand Remarks About Ben Roethlisberger Confirm He’s An ÜberJagoff
- Epic Meal Time’s ‘Sloppy Roethlisberger’ Is Over 100,000 Calories Of Burgerliciousness
- It’s Funny Because Hines Ward Is Trying To Look Like Troy Polamalu By Wearing A Wig
- The Next Great Towel War Is Upon Us: The Battlefield? Baraboo, Wisconsin
- Huh: Members Of ’90s Band Garbage Updates Green Bay Packers Fight Song, ‘Go Pack Go’
- Criminy! The Dallas Area Is In The Throes Of A Super Bowl-Sized Stripper Shortage!
- Finally, A Video That Will ‘Teach Me How To Raji,’ In Other Words, Dance Like A Fat Green Bay Packer
- Now Here’s A Shocker: People In Wisconsin Name Their Kids After Packers Players
- Sportress of Blogitude’s Wild Kingdom: A Cockatoo Singing ‘I Love The Packers’
- Video: Ouch, Even B.J. Raji’s Green Bay Packers Teammates Can’t Do ‘The Raji’
- WTF? Fans Won’t Be Able To See Video Board From Some Temporary Seats At Super Bowl
- (Photo) Bum’s Sign: ‘Charlie Sheen Invited Me To A Super Bowl Party But I Need Bus Fare’
- Those Boots Are Made For Walking: Ines Sainz Is Dressed To Thrill For Super Bowl Media Day
- Slusher? Reports Indicate Slash & Usher Will Perform At Super Bowl Halftime Show
- Video Of Brooklyn Decker Making Her Super Bowl Prediction? Sure, Why Not
- Fergie Vows No Wardrobe Malfunctions During Halftime Show, Remains Silent On Pants-Peeing
Wow. That’s an awful lot of posts. You know what? Maybe I’m coming at this all wrong. Maybe I am part of the problem. Well, I guess I can ruminate over that conundrum over the next six-plus months. Sigh.
And with that, I will leave with you this: Enjoy. The. Game. Eat, drink and be merry. It’s the last one for a mighty long time folks. That’s a scary thought.