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Wake N’ Blog: Ashes To Ashes, Dust To Dust, Burglars Who Snorted Man’s Remains Get Caught In Epic Bust

Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, comments, complaints and high praise to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.

• Hey, look at that! I’m a poet and I didn’t know it! Burglars in Miami obviously didn’t know it, either, when they stole an urn containing a woman’s father’s remains and two other containers which contained the ashes of her two dearly departed Great Danes and then proceeded to snort the contents, believing it to be cocaine. Upon realization that the ashes were not cocaine, the burglars contemplated returning the ashes but instead threw them into a lake. Police say they are trying to recover the ashes…good luck with all that. [Yahoo!/Reuters]

• In case you missed it, here’s the video of Kentucky coach John Caliapari calling one of his players a “selfish motherfu**er” the other night. [Larry Brown Sports]

• Does the rejected Ashley Madison Super Bowl ad promote bestiality? [With Leather]

• Airport worker smuggles Steelers helmet into work so he can photobomb Jets airplane. [Busted Coverage]

• Have no fear, Pavanostache is back in the fold in Minnesota. [Babes Love Baseball]

• Would the Dallas Cowboys consider trading Dez Bryant? [Rumors & Rants]

• Duke assistant coach Chris Collins has booger issues. [It’s Always Sunny In Detroit]

• Rapper Consequence’s new tune “J.E.T.S.” lets you know where his football allegiances lie. [The Sporting Rave]

• Here are some Black Griffin nickname suggestions. [TAUNTR]

• Food Court Lunch hockey news is the best kind of hockey news. [Food Court Lunch]

• The top 10 reasons the Nets walked away from the Carmelo Anthony trade. [Five Tool Tool]

The Onion Headline of the Day: When You Hire Union Plumbers, You Hire Trained Professionals Who Won’t F**k Your Wife (By Wendell Pupecki)