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Wake N’ Blog: Teen Gets Arrested, Promptly Starts Chomping On Police Cruiser Seat

Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.

• MSNBC took care of the obligatory “Take A Bite Of Crime”-Crime Dog McGruff reference, so a tip of the cap to them on that one, but that doesn’t mean what 18-year-old Jesse Ray Stewart did after getting arrested is no less amusing. Stewart tore through the vinyl and began chomping on the delectable foam filling. Ultimately, he caused over $300 in damage and the arresting officer even had to call for backup when Stewart started beating his head against the window. Great kid. [MSNBC]

• Cal fans don’t appear too pleased about Andrew Luck returning to Stanford, as evidenced by some gifs uploaded to the internets. [Off the Bench]

• Arkansas QB Ryan Mallett, on the other hand, is loving it. Mallet’s gonna get paid. [Rumors & Rants]

• But is it possible that Mallett may be Fool’s Gold? [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

• Come on, Chuck: Barkley goes on anti-blog rant regarding the report that he gave Cam Newton tickets for the Suns-Lakers game. [Larry Brown Sports]

• Here’s Troy Aikman, waiting for his car to be cleaned at a car wash. He’s just like us! [Busted Coverage]

• If you attended some baseball games last season and have some amusing pictures to prove it, go over and enter Babes Love Baseball’s Ballpark Photo Contest. [Babes Love Baseball]

• Good Lord: Tom Brady’s “O-Face.” [The Sports Hernia Blog]

• What we can learn from taking a look at 2010’s most watched sporting events. [Awful Announcing]

• Jerry Jones might have made a good decision by keeping Jason Garrett. [Second-String Fullback]

• Eric LeGrand, the paralyzed Rutgers football player, has regained sensation throughout his body. [Ted Williams Head]

• Here’s A’s reliever Craig Breslow spoofing Rex Ryan’s wife’s foot fetish videos. [Bob’s Blitz]

• Father Time can kiss Randy Couture’s ass. [Deuce of Davenport]

The Onion Headline of the Day: Woman Forced To Converse Awkwardly With Bank-Promotion Clown