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Abbreviation-Based Humor Goldmine: Rachel Uchitel Wants To Be A P.I.

Penis Investigator? Pecker Inspector? Prick Injester? Professional Irritant? Okay, “injester” isn’t even a word and those four examples can hardly be considered comedy gold, but what if I told you that at this moment I am wearing my “F.B.I. (Female Body Inspector)” t-shirt ? Would that do anything for you? No? Alrighty then.

(note: that’s not me in the above photo – just wanted to make that clear)

Anyway, alleged Tiger Woods paramour Rachel Uchitel recently stated during an interview with FOX News that now that she has checked “Achieve Worldwide Fame As A Homewrecker” off her career options checklist, her new goal in life is to become a P.I. In fact, she is currently in training to accomplish that very stated goal. Uchitel “learned to shoot a weapon” and “had to Taser someone the other day.” Ooh. Kinky.

Although – and to be fair – it is not surprising that Uchitel has an interest in missing persons cases given her personal life. The first time she appeared in the public spotlight was when a grief-stricken photo of her searching for her missing fiance after the 9/11 attacks appeared in the New York Post.

Here’s what Uchitel had to say about her budding new career (via the Toronto Star):

“Having my own detective agency would be something I’d love to do,” she told Fox.

“I’m actually trying to convince some of my friends to invest in cadaver dogs and come down with me on vacation to Orlando to search for a missing girl. I’ve been obsessed with finding missing people for so long.”

Wowee, does that sound like a killer vacation or what? I wish I was one of her friends. “Hey guys, how about we buy some cadaver dogs and go poking around Orlando and see if we can find some missing girl’s dead body? Wouldn’t that be a hoot?” Lamest. Vacation. Ever.

Former Tiger Woods mistress studying to be a P.I. [Toronto Star]