Ladies And Gentlemen, The World’s First Confirmed Dartaholic
As a professional dart player – a dartist? Darterer? – Phil Taylor is living the high life, reaching levels of fame and popularity previously unheard of for someone of his profession. At least in England. So much so, he came in second place in the BBC’s Sports Personality of the Year, and was rendered completely befuddled at the recognition a simple 50-year-old bloke can achieve simply by throwing darts at a board.
But, as is the case with many greats in sport, Phil Taylor has a dark side. His obsession with darts has begun to affect his personal life, his free time and his sleeping patterns. In fact, it could be said that Taylor is afflicted with a full-blown case of dartaholicism.
When asked about whether he is contemplating retirement, Taylor’s answer should be cause for concern for his friends and family. To wit (via The Guardian):
“No, I won’t. I’ll never be able to stop working or playing darts. I eat, breathe and sleep darts. But I’m getting better. I used to have to go to the board and hit three 180s before I’d allow myself to go to bed. Sometimes, I’d do it in five minutes but, on a bad night, it could take an hour.”
That’s harsh. And potentially troubling. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an darts binge. Although the downfalls of being a dartaholic pales in comparison to being a shartaholic. Quite a disgusting disease, to be sure.
And yes, that was an awfully long way to go just to make a joke about something as stupid as someone being a shartaholic. But I think it was worth it. No? Whatever, man.
Phil Taylor: I’ll never be able to stop … I eat, breathe and sleep darts [The Guardian]