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A ‘Mute’ Point: Bill Simmons To Bring Shrill Voice To ESPN NBA Broadcast

Yup, these are his employers. Say it ain’t so, man. My ears simply cannot bear it. Aw, who am I kidding? It wasn’t like I was going to watch the damn game anyway.

ESPN is making the questionable move of having Bill Simmons, who has virtually no experience in broadcasting (he did do some college games for tWWL back in 2007) will be courtside along with regulars Dan Shulman and Mark Jackson for the network’s 10:30 ET broadcast of Friday’s Miami Heat-Golden State Warriors tilt. According to USA Today‘s Michael Hiestand (via Sports Media Watch), a formal announcement from ESPN is expected today.

Once again, ESPN believes it can throw any of their personalities into the broadcasting realm and things will go swimmingly. See Tony Kornheiser on Monday Night Football or Chris Berman’s forays into PGA Golf coverage. Yeah, those went real well.

Now, I will not sit here and question Simmons’ basketball acumen nor his passion for the sport, but have you ever heard him speak? He sounds like a goddamn cartoon character, which is precisely why it was a wise decision for the Sports Guy to get into writing way back when. Not like me, of course. I have a velvety voice and stunning good looks which would be easily transferable to any kind of media. I chose writing, you see, because of my unparalleled ability to craftily construct incredibly illustrative word pictures.

ESPN/ABC bowls over the competition with 33 games [USA Today (via Sports Media Watch)]