Kid Rock And The Detroit Lions Are Hell-Bent On Ruining Your Thanksgiving
If the annual appearance by the woeful Detroit Lions wasn’t a bad enough way to kick-start your Thanksgiving Day celebration with family, friends or fellow inmates, along comes news that they have upped the crap ante by announcing that Kid Rock will be the halftime entertainment during the Detroit-New England game on Turkey Day. That’s right, if you thought you had enough of Kid Rock’s song, “Born Free,” after getting ear-and-eye-raped by it (“Hey! Kid Rock performs derivative, trite, patriotically-pandering songs without his shirt on – he must be cool!”) throughout the MLB playoffs on TBS (among other places), you ain’t done with him or his annoying song yet. Word on the street is that he will perform the titular song during his halftime performance. What? No duets with Sheryl Crow? That stinks!
So, when kicking back after the big meal – if you happen to be one of those weird families who eat super early – seriously, what is up with that? Dinner at 1:00? That leaves no time to adequately satiate yourself with liquor prior to engorging yourself) – and you feel a wave of nausea running over you, it probably isn’t from Grandma’s overly-sagey stuffing (and anyone who puts raisins in stuffing should be sent to a Holiday Meal Internment Camp), it’s instead the likelihood that you overheard Kid Rock’s performance. Here’s the deal, to quote the song, “You can knock me down and watch me bleed, but you can’t keep no chains on me.” And believe me, chaining me up to the sofa is about the only way of getting me to watch that sure-to-be halftime crapfest.