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Wake N’ Blog: Woman Arrested After Trying To Hit Officer With ‘Rigid Feminine Pleasure Device’

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• A 56-year-old woman from Gurnee, Illinois was arrested Tuesday after she allegedly attacked an officer with a sex toy. Carolee Bildsten walked out on her tab for the second time at Joe’s Crab Shack (you can’t make this stuff up). When police found her lying in the grass down the street from the restaurant intoxicated, officers escorted the drunk to her home so she could get some money to pay her bill and that’s when things got interesting. From the police report: “”She walked into her bedroom. She said her money was in her dresser drawer and she opened it and reached inside and removed a ‘clear, rigid feminine pleasure device’ and held it over her head and approached the officer in a threatening manner. The officer knocked the device out of the way prior to being struck and placed the woman under arrest. She was then escorted out of the residence, placed in the squad car and transported to the Gurnee Police Department.” Jebus. What’s worse? Get a look at her. Jebus, indeed. [MSNBC]

• Joe Morgan shows us how not to take the high road. [Larry Brown Sports]

• Kobe Bryant is now the youngest player ever to reach 26,000 points. [Rumors & Rants]

• After his Celtics beat the Heat for the second time this season, Paul Pierce took a shot at LeBron and company on Twitter. [You Been Blinded]

• Video: JJ Hickson “Absolutely Fu**ed It” Says Cleveland Cavaliers Play-By-Play Man. [Busted Coverage]

• Epic own goal off dude’s back goalie fail. [Bob’s Blitz]

• Sports bar in Philly doesn’t like black people. [With Leather]

• Behold: Kovalchoke’s epic shootout goal fail. [TAUNTR]

• WoW salutes Mariners broadcaster Dave Niehaus. [Walkoff Walk]

• Danica Patrick was on Jimmy Kimmel, looking good as usual. [Outside the Boxscore]

• Freddie Mitchell, standup comedian? [Food Court Lunch]

• When he’s not captaining the Sharks, Joe Thornton hangs out at MYFO. Today, he answers your questions about sports. [Melt Your Face Off]

The Onion Headline of the Day: Rural South Dakotan Walks Away From First Encounter With Jewish Man, Shaken But Unharmed