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Wake N’ Blog: Oregon Couple Awake To Find Naked Man In Closet Who Was Presumably An R. Kelly Fan

Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.

• Although he wasn’t technically trapped in the closet, but close enough. A couple in Corvallis, Oregon awoke Monday night to find 21-year-old Nicholas Buekea naked in their closet. Police report that Buekea “snuck out of a friend’s basement apartment, climbed around a locked door to access a staircase and made his way to a third-floor apartment.” When discovered the naked man ran away after a brief struggle and was found later on Monday by a group of people, where police gave him a pair of shorts to put on before checking him into the hospital. LSD is bad, mmmkay? [Yahoo!/AP]

• The Miami Heat now have as many losses as the Indiana Pacers. [Rumors & Rants]

• How in the holy hell did Derek Jeter win a Gold Glove? [Big League Stew]

• It needs to be said: Tom Brady and the Patriots offense are struggling due to the absence of Randy Moss. [Larry Brown Sports]

• Hey, where does all that NFL fine money go? TWW delves into the intriguing subject. [TheWitWit]

• TSR gets its podcasting career off to a great start with special guest, chart-topping rapper Spose. [The Sporting Rave]

• With Matthew Stafford’s season likely over, hopefully he is being consoled by this bikini beauty. [Busted Coverage]

• This is NOT how you run out the clock in a football game. [Out of Bounds]

• Celebrating the end of our long national nightmare: Joe Morgan is no longer at ESPN! [TAUNTR]

• Florida man files for a restraining order against Obama, Jesus and of course, Tim Tebow. [The Last Angry Fan]

• What should we expect out of Versus’ new show, NHL Overtime? [Puck Daddy]

• Allen Iverson got his name chanted at a soccer game in Turkey. [That NBA Lottery Pick]

• Drinking a bottle of the world’s most expensive beer won’t get you drunk? What gives? Oh, it’s for charity? Alright. [Sharapova’s Thigh]

The Onion Headline of the Day: Denver Nuggets Announce Plans To Move To New York For Carmelo Anthony