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Wake N’ Blog: Cheetos In Shirt + Ho Hos In Pants = Hungry Shoplifter

Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions and foodstuffs you have shoved down your pants to

• Alfonso Matyises was arrested at a convenience store in Naples, Florida after allegedly shoving a bag of Cheetos in his shirt and stuffing some Ho Hos down his pants. After getting caught and asked to leave, Matyises refused, even after being threatened with arrest. He also refused to surrender the Cheetos. Commitment to the crime, I guess. [MSNBC]

• The captain of the University of Minnesota-Duluth’s football team threatened to kick a police officer’s ass. [Busted Coverage]

• Toronto Raptors fan heckles Hedo Turkoglu by telling him that he has “zero work ethic.” That must have stung. [Larry Brown Sports]

• Ed Burns has made a film about sports talk radio. Next up: a Colin Cowherd biopic. [Out of Bounds]

• A hilarious video documenting the epic fail that has been the Dallas Cowboys’ season. [TAUNTR]

• Maybe having an ex-player who suffered multiple concussions attempt to explain the NFL’s helmet-to-helmet rule was not the best idea. Case in point: Steve Young. [Awful Announcing]

• What’s the deal with Junior Seau? [Ted Williams Head]

• An elderly golfer died after getting struck in the head with a golf ball. [Waggle Room]

• Breaking news: that’s not Tiger Woods in Devon James’ Tiger Woods sex video. Also just in: water’s wet. [Bob’s Blitz]

• Want to see a punter get laid out? Of course you do. [Second-String Fullback]

• Want to see Kansas Jayhawks basketball coach Bill Self dressed up as Vanilla Ice? Of course you do. [Outside the Boxscore]

• Fantasy football owners don’t like Titans head coach Jeff Fisher right about now. [Sharapova’s Thigh]

• Jesus, there were a lot of morons in the stands during last night’s Titans-Jaguars game. Here’s a few of them. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

• This week in ambiguous magazine covers. [Food Court Lunch]

• I know what I’m going as for Halloween: Tony Dungy dressed up like Count Chocula. [TheWizWit]

The Onion Headline of the Day: Man Attends 25-Year Nursery School Reunion