Sportress of Blogitude

Pot, Kettle? Not Satisfied With Sweep Of Reds, Philly Writer Proceeds To Blast Cincy

Coming from the idyllic, postcard picture perfect Eden we have all come to know as the city of Philadelphia, I suppose it should come as no surprise that the city’s scribes who were dispatched to Cincinnati to cover the NLDS series between the Phillies and Reds would, upon escaping the dreadful Ohio town after a convincing sweep of the Reds, would come away with a bitter taste in their mouths regarding the less-than-spectacular conditions of the city.

One such writer was Philadelphia Inquirer‘s Frank Fitzpatrick, who penned a sarcastic commentary regarding the deplorable conditions – in particular the cuisine and riverfront of Cincinnati – that the bourgeoisie of the dreadful city are forced to endure. And this guy pulls no punches. What follows is a good chunk of what Fitzpatrick had to write.


CINCINNATI – A quick stroll around Great American Ball Park – which is American and a ballpark, but hardly great – reveals that Cincinnati and Philadelphia have much in common:

Fans in red, a strong German heritage, a river that separates it from another state, and little concern for the nutritional value of its concession fare.

The problem is that Cincinnati appears to have taken our bad ideas and made them worse.

I give you goetta and the riverfront.

Goetta is a lot like scrapple, which is to say it’s an amalgam of whatever is swept off the slaughterhouse floor. But while Philly’s mystery meat is confined to a fried breakfast side, here it’s an all-day staple.

So when Reds fan tire of chili that’s flavored with cinnamon and plopped down atop innocent spaghetti, they can get goetta hot dogs, goetta hamburgers, even goetta pizza. Did we mention goetta Reubens?

Small wonder, then, that Cincinnati seems to be the one city in America where you can’t get the Food Channel on your hotel TV.

Then there’s the portion of the Queen City that borders the Ohio River, a body of water the indigenous Native Americans called “place where driftwood, the homeless, and drab concrete converge.”

Far be it from a Philadelphian to criticize any other city’s urban waterfront, but Cincinnati’s appears to have been devised by the architect of Riverfront and Veterans Stadiums on a bad day.

The Cincinnati shoreline is an endless ribbon of concrete – pavement, the foundations to unfinished buildings, the foundations to finished buildings.

At night, from the Roebling Suspension Bridge, you can see the fires of encamped homeless on the shore. Some homeless also live on the bridge, which can enliven a late-night walk to Kentucky.

Jeez. Perhaps someone should offer Fitzpatrick a big plate of Goetta so he has something to wash down with that piss and vinegar he’s been obviously guzzling.

Touch ‘Em All: This Philadelphian has some issues with Cincinnati []