Sportress of Blogitude

Media

Lame: ESPN.com’s “The Heat Index” Page Set To Debut October 11th

Just when you think ESPN.com couldn’t do anything stupider, they go and pull a stunt like this…and totally open themselves up to yet another round of extreme ridicule!

I have previously made my vitriol-infused, rageaholic opinions known concerning “The Heat Index” last week, so I won’t reiterate them here now. But when I saw the press release from ESPN announcing their most recent suckling at the teat of overhyping, which “will include in-depth editorial coverage (columns and blogs), video, audio, automated modules, social media elements, photo galleries and other multimedia offerings,” I had to pass it along, just so you too can become as embittered, annoyed and dumbstruck as I am regarding the latest exercise in shameless whoring perpetrated by tWWL.

Read on, but only if you want to be supremely irritated.

Via ESPN Media Zone:

Editorial contributors to The Heat Index:

* Brian Windhorst – formerly with the Cleveland Plain-Dealer, Windhorst is one of the leading authorities on LeBron James. Windhorst has written two books about James and has covered him since middle school. Windhorst has been the Cavs beat writer/blogger for seven years and has won awards from the U.S. Basketball Writers Association and the Associated Press. Windhorst will be based in Miami as one of two regular beat writers assigned to the team.

* Michael Wallace – Wallace has been the Miami Herald’s Heat beat writer for the previous three seasons and is an experienced sports and news reporter. Wallace, an award-winning writer, will team with Windhorst as regular Heat beat writers covering the team daily throughout the season.

* Kevin Arnovitz – in addition to his role as managing editor and contributor to ESPN.com’s TrueHoop Network, Arnovitz will provide digital media content and edit portions of The Heat Index.

* Sebastian Martinez-Christensen – Martinez-Christensen will be a regular contributor to The Heat Index. He formerly served as a multi-lingual columnist and contributor for ESPNDeportes.com, a reporter for ESPN Deportes (radio and television) and ESPN Deportes La Revista magazine.

Um, yeah. Hey Brian Windhorst, if you haven’t packed up all your stuff in Cleveland after you jumped ship and moved it all down Miami way, I’d advise you to do so sooner than later.

Oh, and how could I not pass along all the new features!

* breaking news surrounding the Miami Heat;

* coverage of every Heat game and team practice;

* constantly updated aggregation of all ESPN stories regarding the Heat;

* Chase for 72 – an automated, daily forecast of how many games the Heat will win including ESPN.com’s John Hollinger projecting the odds of the Heat matching the Chicago Bulls’ record of 72 wins;

* Tracking the Big 3 – an automated tracking of how James, Wade and Bosh stack up against the best trios in NBA history;

* Heat Tweets – a module that collects tweets from Heat players and fans;

* complete video, podcast and story contributions from ESPN reporters Marc Stein, Chris Broussard, Chad Ford, Chris Sheridan, John Hollinger and Ric Bucher;

* Heat content from ESPN TV analysts;

* Hollinger Stats – automated applications featuring Hollinger’s analytics on the Heat team and players;

* Hollinger’s All-Time Power Rankings – a ranking pinning the Heat against the NBA’s all-time great teams;

* Triple-Double Tracker – a module tracking James’ progress towards averaging a triple-double for an entire season;

* Hoop Schemes – basketball analysis and video breakdowns by TrueHoop’s Arnovitz;

* video analysis by Scout Inc.’s David Thorpe;

* live chats during each Heat game involving Heat Index contributions;

* a Heat Index Facebook page;

* photo galleries of Heat players and celebrity fans;

* The Scene – Jemele Hill covering the culture, scene and lifestyle angles tied to South Beach as it relates to the Heat and the buzz surrounding the team;

* contributions from athletes, including former Heat players, and celebrities who live in South Florida and are regulars at Heat games.

Jesus Christ. That is one ginormous helping of suck. I could go into a complete meltdown about the ridiculousness of almost every single one of those features (“The Race to 72” – seriously?), but it’s a lovely Monday morning and I can’t summon the energy nor the rage necessary right now. In the end, I doubt it would be worth my time. And saddest of all, “The Heat Index” will probably be a huge hit, drawing in scores of mouthbreathing morons to the site who are willing to swallow anything and everything ESPN rams down their throats.

As I mentioned before, ESPN.com and everyone associated with this ridiculous feature can shove it straight up their asses.

ESPN.com to Launch “The Heat Index” Oct. 11 [ESPN Media Zone]
(previously at the Sportress: ESPN.com Can Shove The Upcoming ‘Heat Index’ Page Straight Up Its Overhyping Ass)