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Wake N’ Blog: Is A Woman Who Shoplifts Vibrators And Earrings Smart Enough To Know Where Each Item Is Inserted?

Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions and stories about odd items you shoplifted along with sex toys to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.

• Nineteen-year-old Aleshia Lollis was arrested under suspicion of shoplifting in South Carolina after employees at a Spencer’s and a Claire’s saw Lollis shove two vibrators and thee pairs of earrings in her purse at each store respectively. To expand on the query posed in the title, the type of woman who would actually attempt to steal vibrators from a friggin’ Spencer’s probably has the mental capacity where it wouldn’t be a surprise that had she pulled off her sex toy and jewelry heist, she would have ended up in the emergency room with earrings shoved up her snizz and two vibrators sticking out of her ears. Just sayin’. Oh, and her mugshot is priceless. [MSNBC]

• Heartwarming video of a kid with Down Syndrome scoring a touchdown with his high school football team. Getting a little misty in here, guys. [Out of Bounds]

• Dez Bryant was on the hook for a $55k dinner tab at a Dallas steakhouse for his teammates. Next time, carry the damn pads. [Larry Brown Sports]

• Yeah, the engravers should probably make sure they have the correct spelling of all the players’ names right on the Stanley Cup. Just ask Blackhawks winger Kris Versteeg. [Puck Daddy]

• It’s hard to believe that it is possible, but this guy managed to come up with 10 worse ideas than a J.J. Reddick rap album. [Rumors and Rants]

• Video: Pee Wee Football coaches be brawling. [Outside the Boxscore]

• Mark Grant, TV color man for the San Diego Padres, compared the struggles of the Colorado Rockies to the BP oil spill. D’oh, indeed. [Awful Announcing]

• When douchetard Dolphins and Jets fans fight, we all win. [Ted Williams Head]

• I have no idea how the U.S. team is going to fare in the Ryder Cup, but they got Synchronized Shirt Removing down pat. [Wei Under Par]

The Onion Headline of the Day: Quarterback Playing Well Enough For Commentator To Mention His Favorite Sandwich