Sportress of Blogitude

Josh Hamilton Worried About Beer And Champagne Showers When Rangers Clinch

From a report in The Dallas Morning News (via Hardball Talk):

“I’m going to have goggles on, duct tape over the mouth and either a wetsuit or raincoat,” he said. “It can’t get on your skin. It’ll soak through your skin.

“I don’t want to send the wrong message to people who might see pictures and think I’m not serious about recovery or what it stands for.”

Yeah, it would certainly be a shame if there were photos out there which would seem to indicate that Hamilton was not serious about recovery or what it stands for. A goddamn crying shame, that’s for sure.

Huh. I guess Hamilton deserves credit for trying to avoid an ugly situation. But what happens if his Hazmat suit were to tear and he became infected with the alcoholism virus, kind of like Renee Russo’s character catches that monkey flu in Outbreak? That wouldn’t be good. Instead, to fend off any potential boozeothermia agents, I’d recommend Hamilton takes a tip from an entirely different film – 1976’s televised classic, The Boy In The Plastic Bubble – which also has been known to make a germaphobe’s skin crawl. Not because of the storyline, but due to the atrocious acting and John Travolta’s awful hairstyle.

In the end, no matter what precautions Hamilton elects to take, I’m fairly confident things will work out just fine for him when the celebration of a division championship ensues. Just as long as no inebriated, busty coeds with whipped cream squirted all over their juggs are granted access to the Rangers’ clubhouse. That won’t hurt.

Josh Hamilton wants to celebrate Rangers victory without ingesting alcohol [The Dallas Morning News]
Josh Hamilton is wary of the beer shower [Hardball Talk]
The Devil Is Still In Josh Hamilton (Update) [Deadspin]