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Milf-Life Crisis: At 43, Dara Torres Begins Quest To Qualify For Sixth Olympic Team

Hoo boy. Nothing wrong with that, kids.

During an appearance earlier today on Live With Regis and Kelly, 43-year-old milfy goddess Dara Torres formally announced that, after taking a year off to recover from reconstructive knee surgery, she has begun training in an attempt to qualify for the 2012 Olympic Games in London. It would be the sixth Olympics she would have competed in and if she qualifies – and heck, why in the hell would anyone doubt that she will – Torres will be forty-freaking-five years old.

Anderson Cooper, subbing in for Regis (on a side note: is Regis even still alive? Is he ever on the show anymore? 10-1 odds the guy has been dead for years), asked Torres about her age then set her up to make her “big announcement” (via Swimming World):

A lot of people made the fact that my age was such a big deal and I think that completely worked to my advantage,” Torres said. “I surrounded myself with good coaches and trainers. I knew what to do about nutrition. The thing about any elite athlete is they have to be so careful about what they put in their bodies because of drug tests. I especially get tested all the time. It’s scary, I can’t use Visine.”

“I am 43 years old,” Torres said, “but that’s not the announcement. The announcement is that I just started training for the 2012 Olympics.

“I wanted to get back into swimming on my terms,” Torres said. “I just started training with the kids again and they are all giving me grief and teasing me. I have huge goggles and they asked me if windshield wipers come with them.

“It’s going to be fun being back again,” Torres said. “It depends on what my body dictates. I know that I am more susceptible to injury. Now that I’m a little bit older, it’s going to be even harder than when I was 41.”

Seriously, take a good look at that woman. Forty-three years old, my friends. Can you possibly begin to imagine the kinds of things Dara Torres could teach you? I meant in the pool, guys! C’mon. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still talking about sex here, but not just regular old sex – I mean aquatic sex. Haven’t you heard? Aquasex can be an exhilarating, incredibly erotic endeavor. So I’ve heard. Just don’t try pulling it off during a Senior Water Aerobics class at the YMCA. Now on that topic I can speak to from experience. It was like trying to get it on while going through a flabby armed spanking machine [H/T Cosmo Kramer]

Dara Torres Announces She’s Returned To Training, Gearing Up for 2012 Olympic Run [Swimming World]