Sportress of Blogitude

Hey Guys, Phoenix Coyotes Winger Paul Bissonnette Wants To Help You Get Laid

Paul Bissonnette is about to enter his 3rd year in the NHL, his second with the Phoenix Coyotes. In the 41 games he appeared in last season, he scored a paltry 3 goals. But what he lacks in scoring ability on the ice, he more than makes up for in other areas, as evidenced by the above tweet where he reveals a secret to those who are not a tried and true Ladies Men on how to make up a batch of “Panty Soup,” which Bissonnette describes in a later tweet as:

Panties + moister = panty soup. Do not, and I repeat do not get the crab blend. U will instantly regret it. Upset stomach fo sho.

The crab blend would clearly indicate that said young lady is a ho…fo sho.

Apparently, all that is required to whip up a nice, wet bowl of Panty Soup is the Planet Earth DVD. I could see that. As Bissonnette explains in yet another subsequent tweet on the topic:

I’m serious folks. First scene is the polar bear scene with her cubs. The girls melt. Its an f’ing afrodisiac.

Awesome. Thanks, brah! But here’s where old Weed Against Speed one-ups this youngster. How about Planet Earth on freaking Blu-Ray? The girls not only melt, they invite all their friends over for an f’ing orgy, my friends. You’ll be “bating like .750 with that move,” or something. Either he intended to tweet “batting .750″ or he’s explaining that you might be on your own and will be (mastur)”bating” to get off if the young lady has the crab blend going on and you have to throw her out of your pad after she stinks up the joint with dat skeezy move.

Fo sho.

(Updated: you may recall that Bissonnette’s Twitter account, @BizNasty, was the source of much controversy earlier this summer when he criticized Ilya Kovalchuk’s contract. The Twitter account he made those (among other bizarre, highly entertaining statements) on was subsequently shut down, hence the BizNasty2pointO. And I think we are all the better for it).