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Colin Montgomerie Thinks He’ll Be Called ‘Captain Useless’ If Euros Lose Ryder Cup

Colin Montgomerie has expressed concern that he will be given the moniker of “Captain Useless” if the U.S. manages to knock off Europe’s squad when the two teams face off beginning October 1st at Celtic Manor in Wales.

Via The Guardian:

“I’ll probably be called ‘Captain Useless’ if we lose. That seems to go with the territory these days. I do wonder if the role of the captain is overplayed, since we never get to hit a shot. You see it in football all the time. It is never the star player who is playing badly who gets it in the neck if his team loses, it is always the manager who gets the blame. I do think, though, the captain has an important role to play.”

A fair concern, sure, but if I were Montgomerie, I would be far more concerned about the Euros, the nasty folks that they are, coming up with a more hurtful moniker should he and his players not win. Just off the top of my head, I can think of these names far nastier than Captain Useless:

  • Fatty McFatterson
  • Colin the Colon
  • Colin Montobesity
  • Tits McGee
  • Captain Neverwonamajor
  • Cottage Cheese Thighs Colin
  • Lord Can’t See M’Wiener
  • Prince Pasty
  • Haggis Ass
  • The Prince of Whales
  • Man Tits Montgomerie

And finally, perhaps the worst of all:

  • Scotsman

Harsh, man.

Colin Montgomerie: I’ll be ‘Captain Useless’ if we don’t win Ryder Cup [The Guardian]