Sportress of Blogitude

Events Played Out At Golf Course Straight Out Of A Scene From ‘Maximum Overdrive’

I’m not sure if the Earth’s orbit caused our planet to pass through a comet tail or what, but you better find somewhere safe to hide out for a few days, bust out your AC/DC albums and avoid Emilio Estevez at all costs (which, actually is a good idea no matter the situation), because if what occurred in the sleepy town Plainsboro, New Jersey at the Middlesex Golf Course on Monday morning is any indication, all hell is about to break lose: the machines are alive and they are taking over.

Seventy-four year old groundskeeper Donald Kelber was going about his routine and taking care of his many duties and keeping up the golf course when while cutting the grass sitting atop a 2,200 pound lawnmower, the machine came to life and attempted to murder him.

The bloodthirsty mower horrifyingly tipped itself and Groundskeeper Donny down a 1o-foot embankment and into a pond in a maniacal attempt to drown the man. Kelber was trapped under the machine for over 20 minutes, yet somehow managed to keep his head above water until rescuers arrive at the scene and used a backhoe and chains to pull the possessed lawnmower off the terrified man and freed him from his demonic bondage.

Thankfully for everyone, Kelber avoided serious injury, with only a cut on his right calf and a broken finger as evidence of his harrowing ordeal, yet his experience brings up the question that must be answered before it is too late:

Who Made Who?

Or maybe, just maybe, we should instead be asking ourselves, “Why does the Middlesex Golf Course allow a 74-year-old man to operate a dangerous, 2,200 pound piece of equipment on an embankment sitting above a water hazard?” That might be an even more important question.

NJ golf groundskeeper pinned in pond by lawn mower [NBC Sports/AP]