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Police Blotter

English Cricketer Graeme Swann Nailed For Drunk Driving, Blames Arrest On Pussy

No, seriously, I’m not kidding around here. Graeme Swann, who is apparently quite popular on the cricket scene, has laid all the blame for his drunk driving arrest stemming from an incident on April 2nd when he was pulled over and charged with, as the Brits put it, “drink driving,” on some late night pussy wrangling.

But not the kind of pussy you’re thinking about, perv. He claims that he was simply driving to the store to buy a screwdriver so he could free his cat which somehow got itself trapped under his home’s floorboards. Via The Guardian:

Swann had been belatedly celebrating his 31st birthday with friends in West Bridgford, just a mile from his home, after returning from England’s tour of Bangladesh, when he received a phone call from his wife Sarah to say Max was trapped.

He got in his white Porsche Cayenne and drove towards a supermarket, but was pulled over by PC Steven Denniss, Nottingham magistrates court heard. PC Denniss told the court he initially decided to pull Swann over because he was driving a high-performance car in an area where there had been a spate of burglaries. When he turned around to pursue the cricketer, Swann initially accelerated before eventually stopping.

“Mr Swann stated he had been out that evening and had come back to find his cat trapped under the floorboards in his house,” PC Denniss said. “He had gone to Asda to fetch some screwdrivers to remove some floorboards. His speech was slightly slurred but he was compliant. He was slightly upset due to the fact of his cat and what had just happened.”

The 31-year-old Swann has pleaded not guilty to the charges, but I don’t know, man. I’m not really buying his story. I mean, what kind of self-respecting man doesn’t own at least one damn screwdriver? Oh, an English cricket-playing, cat-owning dandy wouldn’t, you say? I see. Carry on, then.

But the allusion I made to pussy was pretty clever, wasn’t it? Yeah, I know, I’m pretty awesome. And I didn’t even have to resort to the obligatory “sticky wicket” reference which invariably is used in every cricket-related post to boot. Score another one for Weed!

Graeme Swann on drink-driving charge after 3am dash to save kitten [The Guardian]