Advertisements

Sportress of Blogitude

Old White Guy + Jockstrap On Head = Scenes From The Karl Malone Charity Roast

There are not many events that are held where you might see an elderly, stodgy white guy whip out a ginormous jockstrap and promptly place it upon his head while giving a speech, much to the delight of those in attendance. The Karl Malone charity roast from way back in 2006 was such an event. For some reason, these photos are making their way around the internets again and for that, we should all be thankful, because it raises the issue of when putting a jockstrap upon one’s head is an appropriate move. My advice would be, whether you happen to be an old white guy or not, that one should not attempt such silly shenanigans while, say, giving a eulogy or when addressing equal rights for transgendered women. Sometimes, you have to know your audience. I only wish someone would had informed me of that sooner. I still feel horrible about my eulogy at my “Uncle” Vera’s funeral. Talk about a unique mix of mourners. Awkward.

Anyhoo, above is a photo of Frank Layden, who many of you might know as the former general manager of the Utah Jazz, hamming it up at said Karl Malone charity roast. The folks at Ball Don’t Lie have all the details from the athletic supporter as headwear blast from the past:

To honor their superstar power forward, the Jazz hosted a charity roast of Malone featuring videos from Shaquille O’Neal(notes), Charles Barkley and country music singer Neal McCoy, whose “Last of a Dying Breed” served as the roast’s theme. Things are getting weirder, since Karl Malone isn’t a guy you usually associate with joking around and having fun. If the Jazz had hosted a charity weightlifting demonstration, that would make total sense. Even an anti-fashion show, with models in stonewashed jeans and tiny ties, would be more logical.

Then, at the roast, Jazz general manager Frank Layden pulled out an enormous jock strap, called it Karl Malone’s and put it on his head to finish his time at the podium.

Brilliant. By all accounts, Layden’s performance was a rousing success, but if the organizers were uncomfortable with it, they should have felt some trepidation regarding Layden’s routine when he informed them his act was “going to be like Carrot Top, only edgier.” Yeah.

The Karl Malone charity roast was pretty weird [Ball Don’t Lie]