New NFL Concussion Sign As Demotivational Poster
In yet another example of its aggressive, safety-first plan to combat the rising incidence of concussions among the league’s gladiator-like players, the NFL, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that it will tackle the issue the same way in which guidance counselors attempt to convince junior high students not to take drugs:
That’s right, the above poster (well not the exact poster – this was my creation using this one) will be hung in every NFL locker room in a move that is sure to instantly reduce the frequency of unreported head injuries (via The New York Times):
The new document also warns players that repeated concussions “can change your life and your family’s life forever,” a clear nod to retired players’ wives who have spoken out on the issue, occasionally before Congress. A draft of the poster also features photographs of unnamed youngsters in various sports with the reminder, “Other athletes are watching.”
Other athletes are watching? Chilling. In a way, it’s similar to when your grandmother would warn you that God was watching you and “knew what you were up to in there” when you locked yourself in the bathroom for 30 minutes. But that’s another story for another time. Preferably during a private therapy session.
The New York Times sought out opinions from real, live (and hopefully non-concussed) NFL players regarding the poster and the league’s new approach:
“That poster is shocking,” said Domonique Foxworth, a cornerback for the Baltimore Ravens. “It gives people facts before they take risks. But it’s not exactly a new revelation.”
Matt Birk, the Ravens’ center, said: “To put it out there in writing in locker rooms, at least it’s publicly acknowledging that, ‘Hey, this is real.’ There’s risks in everything you do, and this one is real. You can’t sweep it under the rug anymore.”
Indeed you can’t, Mr. Birk. But just because he went to Harvard doesn’t mean he can tell me what’s what. Back off, you damn brainiac.
While I wish the NFL the best in combating this troubling issue, hopefully this is only the first step in their war against the damaging, long-term effects of brain injuries. For instance, as referenced in my Demotivational Poster above, maybe some super scary informational videos featuring a frying pan, some butter and an egg could help strike even more fear in the hearts of NFL players league-wide. Except don’t show any food-related imagery to Mr. Birk’s and Mr. Foxworth’s rookie teammate, Terrence Cody – that will only make him hungry.
N.F.L. Asserts Greater Risks of Head Injury [The New York Times]