Sportress of Blogitude

The Superbeing We Call Pavanostache Appears To Be A Xenophobic Canada Hater

After rolling along with amazing success ever since the moment Carl Pavano and his mustache’s genetic code – in some kind of twisted perversion of science – merged to become an unstoppable pitching force for the Minnesota Twins known simply as Pavanostache, it appears that after witnessing last night’s subpar pitching performance of the mutant wunderkind against the Blue Jays up in Toronto (6 1/3 innings, 8 hits, 6 earned runs), one can only assume that being in a foreign land makes Pavanostache very uncomfortable. What other reason could it be? We are talking about Pavanostache, and now that it has experienced the emotions of frustration and anger, should not only be respected for its awesome power, but should be feared for how it will react to such negative emotional stimuli.

Tread softly around Pavanostche, friends, as there is no telling what kind of havoc it is capable of unleashing on an unsuspecting population. Especially those damn Canadians. I can only hope the beast did not witness the journalistic atrocity perpetuated by the Associated Press in recapping the Twins’ 7-6 comeback victory over the Blue Jays, as evidenced by the following headline discovered at the Boston Herald, among other places:

Uh-oh. Big mistake, unnamed AP reporter. Batten down the hatches, Canadians: this could get ugly – even violent – before the megabeast we refer to as Pavanostache can be subdued.

Denard Span, Blue Jays shut-down Twins 7-6 [Boston Herald]
(previously at the Sportress: Do Not Fear Pavanostache, But Remain In Awe Of Its Power)