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Like The Hula Hoop, ESPN’s LeBron James Special Is, You Know, For Kids

In a press release issued by the World Wide Leader in Self-Fellatio, a/k/a ESPN, the network spends a majority of the text proudly slapping itself on the back and trumpeting the wondrous public service it is pleased to be taking part in due to the final culmination of its around-the-clock, please-make-it-stop coverage of LeBronapalooza over the past several months. The one-hour LeBron James Special, dubbed “The Decision,” (see, it’s catchy, but not too over-the-top) is not at all about ESPN once again devouring anything and everything in its path as it voraciously consumes the entire sports media landscape – nope. Instead, it is all about being an esteemed partner of LeBron James and his chosen charities, all for the benefit of some underprivileged kids. You know, the kind of kids who aren’t lucky enough to have cable and get to watch ESPN bastardize everything in its unrelenting corporate wake.

Via the press release:

Proceeds from “The Decision” will be donated to Boys & Girls Club of America in support of James’ vision to construct basketball courts for youth across the country. The program will be co-presented by University of Phoenix and Bing. vitaminwater® and McDonald’s will also sponsor the program. In addition, Nike and Sprite are making contributions in support of this charitable initiative. LeBron James and his marketing company, LRMR Marketing, were responsible for securing the sponsors for this unique event.

Maverick Carter, CEO of LRMR, said: “LeBron has a longstanding commitment to giving back to the community and has worked with Boys & Girls Clubs in cities across the country. With the unprecedented attention and interest surrounding LeBron’s decision, we decided to make this announcement on national television and donate the proceeds to Boys & Girls Clubs. We very much appreciate the cooperation and generosity of our sponsors.”

Roxanne Spillett, CEO of Boys & Girls Clubs of America, added: “We were thrilled to hear from LeBron’s organization over this past weekend with this most generous gesture. Taking time out of what I am sure is a most difficult decision, and creating an opportunity for our Clubs and members to benefit, is just tremendous.”

It just sounds great, really, really great. Do you know the only thing that could make this better? If it was hosted by a knowledgeable, well-respected member of ESPN’s cadre of broadcasting team with a deep knowledge of the NBA and the ability to roll with the urban lingo all the kids are using:

ESPN’s Stuart Scott will host “The Decision”…

BOO-YAH! This is going to be as cool as the other side of the pillow. Something, incidentally, only Stu Scott is able to see without flipping said pillow over.

…and will be joined by ESPN NBA analysts Michael Wilbon and Jon Barry.

I have no problem with these two individuals.

Freelance reporter Jim Gray will conduct the first interview with James in which he announces his decision.

Jim Freaking Gray? Awesome. One question: will Jim Gray seize the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and ask LeBron about Pete Rose betting on baseball? One can only hope, but I suppose you will have to tune in on Thursday, July 8th at 9:00 p.m. ET to know for sure…

THE DECISION!!!

The fate of humanity hangs in the balance. Don’t miss it! Adam Schefter thinks you would be missing out on something pretty special if you did.

“The Decision” to be Presented Live on ESPN Thursday at 9 p.m. ET [ESPN Media Zone]