Renowned Mentalist ‘The Amazing Kreskin’ Insists He Can Fix The Pittsburgh Pirates
Hey, it couldn’t hurt. I mean, what do the Pirates have to lose? Except even more games.
In what would likely be the most difficult test of his legendary abilities, The Amazing Kreskin, who rose to prominence and worldwide fame in the 1970s when he made over 50 appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson and is still a huge draw to this day and still showing up on the late night talk show circuit, has claimed he has the goods to turn around the snakebit franchise. He believes that solely through the power of suggestion that he can reverse the franchise-wide damaging self-doubt and defeatist attitude which currently – and for the last 17 losing seasons – pervade every aspect of the franchise.
While never insisting he has any psychic powers, The Amazing Kreskin, has had an incredible amount of success accurately picking Super Bowl, Oscar and election winners, has offered his services – for a nominal fee, of course – to the Pirates but has yet to hear back from the team.
From a report in the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:
“It’s not just the chance of turning things around, but also, in some ways, it’s the bizarre humor of it all,” said Kreskin, 75, from his home in North Caldwell, N.J. “We’ve got to look at everything in life with a touch of humor, even the dreadful economy that we’re in now.”
Kreskin told the Tribune-Review he became interested in saving the foundering Pirates while reading about a costumed pierogi mascot whom the franchise fired — then rehired — after he posted online grumblings about the terrible team. Abusing the sacred pierogi, the Polish-American Kreskin said, created an uncool culinary mojo and highlighted a confused front office unable to produce winners.
If retained, Kreskin promises to exile Pirates general manager Neal Huntington and manager John Russell until their recently revealed contract extensions expire in 2011, deals he believes sent the wrong message of “failure and lack of team success” to a squad showcasing the worst hitting and the second-worst pitching stats in Major League Baseball.
“I’m not saying that we fire these two guys. I think they should be given a vacation in Tibet for two years. In Tibet, or perhaps Uruguay, or someplace very, very comfortable,” said Kreskin.
I’m no Pirates fan nor do I spend much time following or keeping track of their litany of near-comedic foibles, but I’d imagine the thought of giving the GM and manager the old heave-ho would probably sit pretty well with the disenfranchised and embittered fan base. While it might be somewhat embarrassing for the Pirates to hitch their wagon to a charlatan who does party tricks, it’s worth shot, right? And if it doesn’t work out, they could always give John Edward a shot – that guy is used to pretending that he knows a lot about dealing with things not of this world – like the likelihood of the Buccos actually fielding a competitive team.
Mentalist: I can make The Pittsburgh Pirates win [Pittsburgh Tribune Review]