Sportress of Blogitude

Dear God No: Jared Allen Busted Out The Speedo During His Honeymoon In Italy

Now, there’s nightmare fuel and then there’s SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? SOME KIND OF HIGH OCTANE NIGHTMARE FUEL?!? I believe this little story fits quite nicely in the latter category.

Thankfully, for the sake of our rods and cones and overall mental health, no photos have surfaced confirming what Jared Allen told Dan Patrick as of yet, but on Patrick’s radio show earlier today, Allen discussed his choice of swimwear while he and wife honeymooned in Italy:

DP: Are you still married?

JA: Absolutely. Just got back from a beautiful honeymoon.

DP: Where’d you go?

JA: Amalfi Coast, over in Italy.

DP: Did you wear your jersey?

JA: Yeah, of course. I was wearing my jersey every day. I cut the sleeves off by the pool and cropped it up a little bit.

DP: Did you wear a Speedo?

JA: I dominated a Speedo over there. I figure, when in Rome, right? It kind of applies. When in Europe, when in Rome.

So…cold. So very, very cold. I cannot close my eyes for fear of what mind-warping, psychologically-scarring image might be waiting for me in the recesses of my subconscious. Yowsers.

DP Show Daily: Jared Allen on Favre, mullets and speedos [SI]