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Wake N’ Blog: 81-Year-Old Wields Machete Near Taco Stand, Doesn’t Order Taco

Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. And here is your Weed Against Speed Nug of Wisdom for the day: “The ones who love us best are the ones we’ll lay to rest, And visit their graves on holidays at best, The ones who love us least are the ones we’ll die to please, If it’s any consolation, I don’t begin to understand them.” Send tips, links and your favorite Replacements lyrics to

• An unidentified senior citizen was arrested after chasing another man around a taco stand in Salem, Oregon after the owner of the taco stand denied that he stole a drill bit from the old fogey’s business. I would have just ordered a taco and not enjoyed it. The revenge is subtle, but effective. It’s effective. [Yahoo!/AP]

• Hank Haney insists that his relationship with Tiger Woods was “always dysfunctional.” [Out of Bounds]

• Tragic news: Randall Cunningham’s 2-year-old son drowned in the family hot tub. [The700Level]

•  Jeopardy contestants could not answer a question about John Wooden, or should I say question the answer. [Larry Brown Sports]

• After her loss to Serena Williams, Maria Sharapova played a little soccer – and it was sexy. [Busted Coverage]

• In other hottie tennis player news, apparently ball boys have a lot in common with me as they appear here quite smitten with Anna Kournikova’s buttocks. [Bob’s Blitz]

• Oh nos! Sergio Garcia is threatening not to participate in the Ryder Cup. Here’s a suggestion, Sergio: how about you threaten not to participate in professional golf anymore? Believe me, you won’t be missed. [Devil Ball Golf]

• Oh, Cedric Benson. Sigh. [Second-String Fullback]

• The top 10 reasons Cedric Benson got arrested (again). [Five Tool Tool]

• My friends at MYFO do their best to keep us updated on Alyssa Milano’s sports whoritude. [Melt Your Face Off]

• Introducing Pau Gasol, MD. [That NBA Lottery Pick]

The Onion Headline of the Day: Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be