Whatever Sexual Maneuver Phillie Phanatic And Slider Are Doing Here, It Ain’t Right
I’m not entirely sure exactly what was going on between the Phillie Phanatic and Slider, the Indians mascot, during last night’s game between the Phillies and the Indians – unfortunately, the course “Expressions of Sexual Dominance in Major League Baseball Mascots” was not offered at the institute of higher learning I attended – but I can say for certain that it probably was not appropriate for the youngsters in attendance. Or the adults for that matter.
So many questions. To begin with, as anthropomorphic beings – and I am trying to be as delicate as possible here – one has to assume that their genitalia are located somewhat in the same area as we humans, so, I guess what I am getting at is the Phillie Phanatic is pretty much having his way with the submissive Slider. Wow.
Furthermore – and I cannot believe I am carrying on with this – since we cannot be sure the nature in which mascots reproduce, is it possible that the Phanatic is initiating some sort of intricate mating ritual for the whole world to see? Because if he is, my guess is their mutated offspring would look a little something like this: