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Ray Ratto Has Had Enough With The Hours Of Celebrating, Takes Dump On U.S. Soccer

And when Ray Ratto takes a dump on something, he really takes a dump on something.

Even though it has been a mere hours since Landon Donovan kicked the U.S. World Cup team into a stratosphere it has rarely experienced in this country by scoring the lone goal – in extra time, no less – in an absolutely heart-stopping 1-0 victory over Algeria, Ray Ratto is sick and tired of all the damn celebrating. Put up or shut up, he says. In his mind, there is little cause for excitement, so all of you people who were thrilled by the outcome and jumped up and down and screamed and high-fived your co-workers or buddies and are dumb enough to be optimistic that the U.S. can somehow parlay their relative success in the group stage and make some noise in later rounds, Ray says give it a rest, ya morons: positivity is for suckers.

You see, just because the U.S. won the group they were supposed to, Ray isn’t impressed, because in his eyes, they didn’t do it well enough.

Via CBS Sports:

Of course, that’s the view for those of you want to see the American soccer team as a glass half-filled. If you see in this team a deep run through the field, tempting fate so brazenly is a bad way to go about one’s business. And a case can be made that had the Algerians not decided so late in the match to become Chile and go forward for three points that would have done them no good, the Yanks would have lost to fate.

But that’s for alternative universe freaks. This win was to save them years of grief. Everything after this is gravy, starting with a teaspoon and, in time with more work, more luck and more efficiency, ending with a bucket.

And they succeeded while knowing they cannot succeed this way any longer. To strain the poker analogy, they need to be less we’ll-hit-the-ace-on-the-river and more we-have-pocket-aces-before-the-flop.

While it would be foolish of me to disagree with anything Ratto wrote – he makes solid points and appears to understand the Beautiful Game far better than I – don’t you think it would okay for us to, you know, enjoy it for more than a few hours before the nattering nabobs of negativity take a piss on our parade?

And yes, I am aware that is the second time in this post alone I have made a “taking a (insert bodily excretion) on something bodily excretions shouldn’t end up on” reference, but bear with me: I am constipated with joy over the awesome match I watched this morning. Maybe Ratto should give it a try sometime.

Nicely done, USA, but good enough won’t be in days, years to come [CBS Sports]