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Sportress of Blogitude

PGA Golf

Holy PGA Golfer Swamp Ass, Batman!

Dear lord, what happened to Robert Garrigus’ pants? Granted, the weather in Memphis was mighty steamy yesterday and sweating was an inevitability, but I haven’t seen swampiness that pervasive and disturbing since I mistakenly watched Swamp Thing. As one commentator said during yesterday’s broadcast of the St. Jude’s Classic on CBS, St. Jude is the patron saint of lost causes. I guess we should all be praying for whoever does Garrigus’ laundry, because they have an assload of scrubbing ahead of them.

So, yesterday afternoon after spending a majority of the day working at a soup kitchen, visiting shut-ins and donating blood, I arrived home just in time to catch the finale of the St. Jude’s Classic – no, really, they actually do broadcast golf tournaments when Tiger isn’t playing – shocking, right? And boy, am I relieved I tuned in, because I was treated to an epic meltdown by Robert Garrigus.

Leading Lee Westwood and Robert Karlsson by 3 with one to play, Garrigus played the 18th horribly. Knowing all he had to do was not put up a big number and the victory was there for his taking, Garrigus shanked his tee shot into the water. And if that wasn’t bad enough (and I am not even referring to his swamp ass at this point), he yanked his third shot (after taking the drop) far left into a bunch of trees. By the time he putted out with a triple bogey, he had surrendered the lead and found himself in a playoff with Westwood and Karlsson, which he was unceremoniously ousted from after a bomb of a drive on the first playoff hole came to rest behind a tree. What say you, Mr. Garrigus (via Devil Ball Golf):

“I don’t remember swinging on the 18th tee,” Garrigus said. “I felt like I handled everything great today … except for one swing.”

Ouch, dude. Westwood went on to win the playoff, Garrigus lost over a half-million dollars in money due to his gaffe and will now be known as the “Guy with The Swamp Ass Who Totally Blew It In That Tournament That One Time.” Or maybe he’ll simply be known as “Swampy.” The first one I came up with might be a bit long.

But seriously, look at that hot, wet mess. It looks like he sat on a water balloon or something. Awkward. And probably pretty stinky.

For those interested, bonus video recap footage of Garrigus’ meltdown and sweaty ass after the jump.

Robert Garrigus suffers the cruelest of 18th-hole collapses [Devil Ball Golf]
[H/T for nightmare-fueled image to Tailgate Review – grazie]