Sportress of Blogitude

Nolan Ryan Might Be In The Market For A Policy From Old Glory Insurance

Although he is not quite officially a senior citizen, it appears the legendary pitcher, now the president and part owner of the Texas Rangers, has unfortunately developed an irrational fear of robots.

Discussing the sorry state of pitching in Major League Baseball with Albert Chen of Sports Illustrated (via The Dallas Morning News), Ryan’s obsession with robots rears its ugly head as he squarely places the blame on, you guessed it, robots.

“For one thing, they don’t learn to think for themselves anymore. Coaches started calling all the pitches in high schools and colleges. How do they know, sitting on the bench, what the guy on the mound has confidence in? That’s like going out there and telling the pitcher, ‘Don’t hang this curveball.’ I call it robot baseball, and it drives me crazy.”

Robots are now taking the form of high school and college kids and playing baseball? When did this happen? Why hasn’t the MLBPA filed a grievance or something? These robots are stealing jobs from hard-working human ballplayers!

Thankfully, there is a company out there on our side:  Old Glory Insurance. Even though they cannot eradicate robots completely from the face of the earth, they can provide some level of protection and comfort. Because remember, robots are everywhere, and they eat old people’s medicine for fuel. Well, now there’s a company that offers coverage against the unfortunate event of robot attack, with Old Glory Insurance. Old Glory will cover you with no health check-up or age consideration. You need to feel safe. And that’s harder and harder to do nowadays, because robots may strike at any time.

Indeed they can. Even right under Nolan Ryan’s nose in Major League Baseball.

Texas ‘Robot baseball’ driving Rangers’ Nolan Ryan crazy [The Dallas Morning News]