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Wake N’ Blog: Best AFP Headline Ever: ‘Skinny dip leads to swollen tip for tourist: report’

Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. If it ever achieved free agent status, it would stay in Cleveland as long as it didn’t have to look at yahoo Anderson Varejao ever again. Maybe. Possibly. Probably. It needs to think about it some more. Send tips and contract offers to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.

• What I like about it is its accuracy. And that the word “tip” is used. A Canadian tourist vacationing in New Zealand woke up with a swollen penis due to a bite by a poisonous spider on his “Kiwi” after post skinny dipping nap on the beach. Take it away, AFP: “By the time he got to hospital in the far north of the country, his penis was severely swollen, his blood pressure was high and his heart racing.” Yeah, my heart would be racing too if the tip of my schlong looked a red balloon tied to a string. Yeesh. [Yahoo!/AFP]

• Coach in Catholic basketball league arrested for trying to bribe referees. Hey, it involved Catholics, his arrest could have been for something much worse. Zing! [Out of Bounds]

• Butter Chicken provides tips on how to tell if your hairdresser is gay. [Food Court Lunch]

• Gorgeous sideline report Ines Sainz donned a bikini for a photo shoot in Esquire Mexico. [Guyism]

• Boston Bruins head coach Claude Julien bears an eerie resemblance to something… [Melt Your Face Off]

• Jay-Z and Eminem tried to act like they give a crap about baseball. [With Leather]

• Fantastic golf blog is giving away tickets to Pebble Beach for the U.S. Open! [Waggle Room]

• Top 11 reasons the Cavs gave up in Game 6 against the Celtics. [Five Tool Tool]

• Not good: Jarrod Saltalamacchia puts the “fun” in fundamentals. [Walkoff Walk]

• Yamma-hamma: a gallery of all 51 contestants for Miss USA 2010…in swimsuits. [straitpinkie]

• The announcer for NBA Jam has been announced. Also, a contest where regular folks can submit one-liners to be used in the game. [FirstCuts]

• Reader submissions for JaMarcus Russell’s Raiders career in pictures. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

• 1980’s Washington Bullets sales video is sublime. [That NBA Lottery Pick]

The Onion Headline of the Day: In Focus: Live From Congress: Representative Wants To Rid Congress Of Gang Members