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Soccer

English World Cup Squad’s Grocery List Unappetizing, Heavy On The Condiments

As England’s  soccer team prepares to embark on their trip to South Africa for the month-long World Cup, the team’s official supermarket, British grocery chain Tesco, has released the items the squad has requested be sent along with them, and let me tell you, as one who enjoys the finer things in life, in particular fine foods, all I can say is, “Blech.”

Via The Guardian, below are the English squad’s requested items:

  • Six bottles of Tabasco sauce
  • 24 bottles peri-peri sauce
  • 12 tubes of wasabi paste
  • 25 bottles of sweet chilli dipping sauce
  • 10 bottles of English mustard
  • 30 packs of seaweed sheets
  • 25 bags of pine nuts
  • 30 bags of dried apricots
  • 30 packs of custard
  • 30 packs of vegetable stock cubes
  • 200 bars organic chocolate
  • 30 bags of assorted herbal teas
  • 10 packs of Arborio risotto rice
  • 5 litres olive oil
  • 10 bottles balsamic vinegar
  • 24 jars of jam
  • 15 bottles brown sauce

What in the hell is that? It’s all friggin’ condiments! It has no real food on it. With all the sauces and inedible food, all this is is an enhanced version of what you would expect to find in the average college student’s refrigerator – make that the average fancy-boy, dandy college student’s refrigerator. What are you going to put the jam on? No sausages, no shepherd or minced meat pies? No figgy pudding?

If you don’t eat your seaweed sheets, you can’t have any pudding!! How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your seaweed sheets???

Actually, clever reference to Pink Floyd aside (bows), there won’t be any pudding whatsoever. But they may choose to indulge every once in a while with some organic chocolate, which sounds dreadful.

But seriously, these are English blokes we are talking about – despite their status as world-class athletes, they do enjoy their British comfort food, so I’m a bit surprised for an entire month, they will not be able to feast upon bangers and mash, faggots or spotted dick. Heh. Spotted Dick.

Hilarious names aside, those foods look scrumptious, even delectable. And the Brits won’t be having any of them during the World Cup. I do not envy those guys. Not one bit.

The food England’s stars can’t do without [The Guardian]