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Yes, Yes, Keep Them Coming, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Your Tears Sustain Me

That’s what you get for talking smack about America’s Favorite Dancing Queen/Part-Time Sideline Analyst Princess, you miserable hag!

For those of you catching up, on yesterday’s episode of The View, Hasselbeck, in her infinite wisdom and ethical superiority, cracked wise about Miss Andrews’ provocative choices in clothing, insinuating that the Peeping Erin could have saved jail time simply by watching Dancing With The Stars. Of course, she made a tearful apology on today’s show, claiming that she felt terrible about what she said after she explained it to her son.

Video of the mind-numbingly stupid critique and subsequent “heartfelt” apology after the jump, but here is what Hasselbeck the Shrew said about Erin on Tuesday’s show (via The Big Lead):

For the past like three weeks she’s been wearing like next to nothing … I think in light of what hapepned [sic] … and as inexcusable as it was for that horrific guy to go in and try to peep on her in her hotel room … in some way, if I’m him, I’m like, ‘man, I could have just waited 12 weeks (nervous laughter from crowd)’ … I could have seen this, a little bit less, without the prison time.

Hoo boy. If you think that’s bad, it’s even worse watching it.

Andrews, to her credit, reacted to Hasselbeck’s comments with her typical dignity and grace, telling People:

Following the DWTS results show Tuesday night, Andrews told PEOPLE Hasselbeck’s remarks were “a slap in the face to victims of stalking and sexual predators.”

Andrews, who was “very shocked” about the comments, continued: “The thing that I was most upset about is I felt she was mocking a situation,” she said. “As a mother and a woman, I’m disappointed she went there.”

Cue the waterworks, because it’s apology time:

For those of you who cannot view video, here’s the gist of what Hasselbeck said after explaining to her daughter why she looked so sad (via New York Daily News):

“I said, ‘Well, Grace, today Mommy hurt someone’s feelings,'” Hasselbeck said while choking back tears. She went on to explain to her daughter that “reckless words pierce someone’s heart like a sword” and promised that she would use her words more mindfully in the future.

“She’s five and so cute, she said to me, ‘Mommy, why don’t you just call Erin and tell her you’re sorry?'” Hasselbeck continued. “So, thankfully, I listened to her — she’s a wise little girl — and I did. So, I’m really sorry, and I wanted to offer that publicly too, even though I did follow that advice.”

Dumb ass skank. Here’s a thought, Hasselbeck: I know you are paid – handsomely, I might add – to spew your pseudo-conservative hatespeak and provide a foil for your more liberal-minded co-hosts. But for her to outright say – even if she were somewhat joking  – that what Andrews has been wearing on the show has anything to do with what that dickbag did by recording her in her hotel room is contemptible and downright idiotic at best.

Oof. I’m sorry about getting a little overworked about the whole thing, but no one puts down Erin Pageviews on my watch, baby! Especially some half-witted shrewharpy.

Yeah, that’s right. I called her a shewharpy – it’s a made-up creature that I intend to submit to the writers of the Dungeon & Dragons Monster Manual. That’s what I do – bitch about the psychotic ramblings of women I couldn’t care less about and make up interesting creatures for role playing games. Some would say both hobbies are a colossal waste of time, but I enjoy them.

Much like I am unfortunately learning to enjoy reading gossipy, TMZ-like drivel after developing a taste for it throughout the Tiger Woods debacle. One day I hope to wean myself and unlatch my mouth from the teat of sensationalistic, gossip-driven media, but that is going to be a tough habit to break.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck vs. Erin Andrews [The Big Lead]
Hasselbeck Cries an Apology to Erin Andrews [TMZ]
Elisabeth Hasselbeck breaks down in tears while apologizing to Erin Andrews for her ‘reckless words’ [New York Daily News]
Erin Andrews Gets ‘Slap in the Face’ from Elisabeth Hasselbeck [People]