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Dan Shaughnessy’s Boner For Boston Knows No Limits

If a ginger-headed hack sportswriter has an erection for a city for longer than two decades, should they consult their doctor? Or should we simply sit back and hope his provincial priapism results in massive brain hemorrhaging, thereby relieving us of ever having to read his Boston-centric bullshit ever again?

Of course, I am referring to Dan Shaughnessy, who is becoming quite popular on this here site due to his positively moronic columns regarding his white hot man love for Boston and its sports teams. His latest entry for his gig at S.I. is all about his claim – made a couple of weeks ago at the onset of the NBA Playoffs – that the Celtics will beat the Cavaliers in the second round.

He begins:

The Celtics will beat the Cavaliers in Round 2 of the NBA playoffs.

There. I said it.

Call me a knucklehead. Call me old-school. Call me a fool (Cedric Maxwell did). This was my pick before the start of the playoffs.

It’s right there in black and white, on the sports pages of The Boston Globe on April 15:

“I’m picking the old green guys to at least make it to the Eastern Conference Finals. That means they’ll beat Miami in the first round, then beat Cleveland in the second round.”

After a bunch of moronic drivel about how Boston knows how to beat LeBron, the days off will help an aging Celtics team, blah blah blah, he conludes:

The Celtics are cagey enough and good enough to exploit all of the above. It’s really not as crazy as it sounds.

Actually, it is as crazy as it sounds. First of all, neither of them are even in the second round. Granted, it is extremely likely that Boston and Cleveland will advance given that both teams hold a commanding 3-1 lead in their respective series, but does that somewhat foregone conclusion necessitate Shaughnessy writing a column about it now? For his gig as a national columnist for S.I.? He could have at least waited until the Celtics won the first two games of the series – or at least waited until the series actually started – before flexing his prognostication muscles, and even that would have been profoundly irritating.

What an absolutely worthless tool. No one cares, man. Just go away, or at least keep your Boston crap limited to your local writing, you red-headed waste of space.

I’ll say it: Celtics will beat Cavs in second round of playoffs [S.I.]
(previously at the Sportress: Jerkoff Boston Sportswriter Thinks Nomar Is A Jerkoff Because He Treated Sportswriters Like Jerkoffs & Shocking: Hack Columnist From Boston Douchetardedly Declares Beantown America’s Best Sports City)