Sportress of Blogitude

Jerry Jones Is Your Drunk Uncle

Well, he’s almost exactly like your drunk uncle, except for that one time on Thanksgiving when he made you watch him pee. It’s okay. It’s not your fault.

This little nugget of viral video brilliance appears to be Double J slurring while shooting the shit with some guy in what sounds like some piano bar somewhere at some time. That’s the kind of details you come to the Sportress for, right? Right.

Via Deadspin, below is a transcript of the drunken tête-à-tête for the video-playing-at-work-challenged:

Jerry Jones: Romo was a miracle.

Other guy: It was a miracle, wasn’t it?

JJ: He almost never got in, and he almost was gone. Tebow would never…

Different other guy: What if you were the Jaguars or — would you just, just draft him and sell fucking jerseys?

JJ: That’s the only reason I brought in Bill Parcells.

[Laughter]

JJ: [Inaudible. Sounds a little like, “Sell mammoth fuckin’ rake,” whatever that means.]

JJ: Bill’s not worth a shit. I love him.

Different other guy: I know you do.

JJ: Not worth a shit, but I wanted — they were on my ass so bad. J’s gotta have a yes man. So to get this fuckin’ stadium, I need to bring his ass in.

Different other guy: What, you, you wouldn’t take Tebow in the third round?

JJ: Why? He’d never get on the field. I can’t get him out there.

[Laughter]

JJ: I can’t get him out there.

Fantastic. I eagerly wait for the semi-heartelt but completely sarcastic apology from the Cowboys owner. Hey, if New York Jets coach Rex Ryan had to apologize for giving a bunch of mouth-breathing MMA rubes the finger, Herr Goodell, likely against his wishes, will have to coerce Jones into some kind of mea culpa.

Slurring Jerry Jones Bad-Mouths Bill Parcells, Tim Tebow [Deadspin]