Sportress of Blogitude

Chicks, Man

Off Topic: Looking Good, Heidi Montag (If ‘Good’ Means ‘Plasticized Whoretastic’)

To be honest, if you would have asked me a month ago who Heidi Montag was, I would have said, “Who?” If you then would have said, “She was on The Hills,” I would have replied “What now?” Then you would have become frustrated and said, “Screw this,” and I would have responded, “Come again?” And then you would have walked away in a huff. Jeez, man, mellow out, dude.

I didn’t become fully aware of this Heidi Montag-strosity until her addiction to plastic surgery was the subject of a cover story in People.

As an aside – don’t judge – my wife gets People and I find the soothing paparazzi images very conducive to…

Well, let’s put it this way, if my wife’s People magazine would have been purchased at Brentano’s, it would have been flagged in every database in town.

Getting back to my point – did I have a point? – not really, but seriously, look at that hot mess. At some point in her 83 plastic surgeries she ceased to be a woman and became some sort of breathing, semi-retarded sex doll.

I’m not saying that’s a bad thing entirely, but come on. She looks ridiculous. And the thing is, from what I can gather, she was pretty smoking hot before she went under the knife.

Don Chavez has more images of her modeling her overly processed….uh…everything in a bikini. Take a look and judge for yourself.

Heidi Montag’s Bikini Was Screaming For Help [Don Chavez]