Just So You Know, Swedish Women Must Be Entirely Different From Other Women
In a column published earlier this morning, Associated Press writer Malin Rising addresses how much crap should Elin Nordegren be willing to forgive considering the litany of transgressions Tiger Woods has committed against the sanctity of their marriage.
Now, I like to think I know a lot about women – most sports bloggers do (e.g., what makes them tick, the meaning behind everything they do, the way they stare at you in shock when you expose yourself to them in the park) – so, without getting bogged down with too many details, here’s a brief overview into if I were Tiger Woods, how I would go about making it easier for Elin to forgive Tiger and move on.
- IKEA Gift Certificate;
- ABBA box set;
- A romantic dinner of swedish meatballs, pannkakor, Pyttipanna and Surströmming;
- savagely beat a Dane;
And finally, perhaps most importantly:
- a relaxing soak in a bathtub filled with lingonberry jam.
You know, because Elin is Swedish, which apparently must be a key factor to how far she will be willing to go to repair the marriage, otherwise why would it be mentioned so prominently in the headline?
Also, as a side note, if any of my readers are having trouble with their Italian wife, shoot me an e-mail. Actually, my advice would be essentially the same except it would instead involve Olive Garden gift certificates, a Pavarotti box set, Chef Boyardee and the savage beating of a Swiss person. Of course, a bathtub filled with something is always a great move – in this case, instead of lingonberry jam in the tub, I would suggest marinara sauce.
Yeah, my advice about women is pretty much interchangeable no matter the heritage. But it works, baby, it works.
How much can a Swedish woman forgive? Ask Elin [Yahoo!/AP]