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Wake N’ Blog For April 2nd: ‘There Goes Peter Cottontail, Was Slammed To The Ground And Is Now Quite Frail’

Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. It is 100% self-funded, so donations are welcome. As you are well aware, there is a lack of quality blogging on the interwebs, but we cannot continue to provide wonderful programming like “Nightmare Fuel”, “It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?” and “Chicks, Man” without your support. With every donation, you will receive a stylish S.O.B. tote bag as a gift. In the interim, tips are welcome and encouraged. Please send to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.

• A woman dressed up in an Easter Bunny suit was assaulted outside a candy shop by an unidentified man. Standing outside the Alps Sweet Shoppe in Fishkill, New York, the suspect, who was described by witnesses as approximately 17-years-old with blond hair, slammed the woman, who was wearing a white bunny suit at the time to the ground, and then ran off. Happy Friggin’ Easter! [MSNBC/AP]

• Here’s a funny spoof on MLB Network commercials. [TAUNTR]

• Teammates of Marc Rczepczynski on the Toronto Blue Jays have taken to referring to him as “Scrabble.” [Big League Stew]

• An iPhone app that helps you explore your Duke hatred? I’m in. [Out of Bounds]

• New Jersey Nets center Brook Lopez loves him some of The Simpsons. [That NBA Lottery Pick]

• A Jets fan excited about the draft? Were am I? Bizarro World? [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

• GAH! Gigantic NBA players are on the loose! [Ball Don’t Lie]

• Even the Fake Tiger Woods is hurting. [The Last Angry Fan]

• I wasn’t aware there was such a thing as the “Jose Reyes Dong Prank” but it worked on WFAN’s Mike Fracesca. [The Sports Hernia Blog]

• Jimmy Rollins of the Philadelphia Phillies is set to completely destroy his swing by attempting to break the world record for longest batted ball. Smart. [Walkoff Walk]

• Here are some suggestions for competitive outlets for non-athletic dorks in their 30s. Gratefully, I don’t need these activities – I am a natural born athlete. [Uncoached]

• A mashup of cooking show temptress Nigella Lawson that makes it sound like she’s talking about sex? Yes. [Warming Glow]

The Onion Headline of the Day: Seeing Ken Griffey Jr. In Backwards Hat Now Just Depressing