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Wake N’ Blog For March 30th: It’s Not Funny! Have You Ever Been Head-Butted By A Giraffe? It’s Hurts!

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• Griffy, a 20-year-old giraffe, was apparently being “playful” when he butted heads with a Rhode Island zookeeper. The zookeeper only sustained minor injuries and remained conscious. Next time, I wonder if Griffy will try a different wrestling move to subdue a zookeeper. A giraffe could probably do a figure-four leg lock, right? [MSNBC]

• What’s that? Elin won’t be showing up at The Masters? Unbelievable! [Trailing Tiger]

• An absolutely terrifying photo of Ashley Judd “cheering” on Kentucky or something. [Out of Bounds]

• Hey look, it’s a John Wall windshield wiper! Why isn’t the Shamwow guy selling these pieces of shit? [The Last Angry Fan]

• David and Victoria Beckham can’t have sex for 3 months. Allow me to offer my services in the interim. No, I’m talking about Victoria, smart ass. [Guyism]

• BLS is rolling out their MLB division previews. Stay tuned – they’re solid. [Big League Stew]

• Who do you think is the favorite to win The Masters? Els? Couples? Tiger? [Waggle Room]

• Here’s an absolutely filthy one-handed grab by some high school football player. [Second-String Fullback]

• Run for your lives! Twenty Philly Phanatics are set to invade Philadelphia. [The700Level]

• ESPN goes all TMZ with a story that states over 50% of NBA wives are groupies. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

• Speculation on what would sort of madness would ensue if Butler actually won. Get it? Madness? [Outside the Boxscore]

• A nightmare fuel-inducing Sesame Street/Lady Gaga mashup. [TV Squad]

The Onion Headline of the Week: Point/Counterpoint: Maple Syrup Is An Excellent Way To Enhance The Flavor Of Pancakes And Waffles