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Curmudgeon Phil Mushnick Has Had Enough Of All These Darned Tattoos!

New York Post columnist Phil Mushnick, in one of the best examples of a “Get Off My Lawn, You Damn Kids!” column in recent memory, crabbily bemoans the fact that so many of the hifalutin’ basketball players participating in the NCAA tournament are covered in a bunch of tattoos! Tarnations!

Arguing – in a questionable, somewhat bigoted manner, I might add – that no matter whether you like tattoos or consider them a “mainstreamed gift from our prison systems and street gangs” (ouch), one cannot argue that “half the starters in this year’s tournament were covered with tattoos.” Great googly moogly.

An excerpt from Mushnick’s tirade against tattooism:

Heck, there were three guys who played for Tennessee yesterday whose exteriors looked as if they’d been held down and assaulted by a merciless mob of Etch-a-Sketches.

That makes me wonder. Having covered your arms, legs, chests, backs, hands and necks with permanent patterns and words — some fellas seem to have the Preamble of the Constitution (or Miranda Rights) inscribed down the length of their arms — how do they read what they had written, you know, to check for spelling?

If one is to look down at his tattoo, he sees it upside down. If he tries to admire it in a mirror, he sees it backward. Those grieving fellows who salute in skin art a deceased friend or relative may be startled to look into a mirror and read his memorial as “P.I.R.”

Sheesh, Mushnick might want to take it down a notch. Did the Grumpy Old Man overdose on Metamucil or something? Or did he just get a bee in his bonnet? If I may, allow me to suggest to Mushnick that he prepare himself a nice cup of Sanka, lock the doors, close the blinds and barricade himself in his home, away from the crazy, tattooed world that is quickly closing in on him and the onion tied to his belt.

Body art ‘tattoo’ much of bad thing [New York Post]