In Which Yours Truly Infers That Ron Washington Is Speaking In Code About Coke
We have to assume at this point that anything and everything that comes out of Ron Washington’s mouth these days is probably all about sweet, sweet cocaine. Once a person falls under the spell of nose candy, they become obsessed with it to such an extent that even when it seemingly appears they are talking about one thing, they are in fact so focused on scoring their next teener or 8-ball that even innocuous comments about a different topic entirely are actually providing a window into their tormented cokehead soul – and that, my friends, is a scientific fact.
Case in point. Below are Ron Washington’s observations made to a reporter for The Dallas Morning News regarding new Rangers pitcher Rich Harden, whom Washington is quite familiar with from their days together in Oakland:
“What I’ve seen from Rich Harden is what I remember seeing in Oakland,” Washington said. “He always got hit hard in spring. I’d like to see him step it up and give us something to hold onto. It’s not about velocity, it’s about placing the ball where you want to place it. But, I’ve seen Rich have some very bad springs and some very good seasons.”
How obvious, right? Could he be any more obsessed? Okay, allow me to break this quote down for the layperson.
When Washington mentions what he has seen from Harden up to this point is what he remembers seeing in Oakland, he is of course referring to the low quality shit Harden used to score from some tweaker in San Francisco – real powdery, heavily-cut shit. And when he alludes to Harden getting hit hard in spring, Washington recalls how Harden always had real bad allergies in the spring and his nose would be plugged up so bad that he had a lot of trouble snorting lines, hence harden had to “hit hard.”
What Washington would like Harden to do is “step up” and score some good yayo, and he would like the pitcher to utilize the contacts Harden met while in Chicago (where he spent the past two seasons) who were bigwigs in organized crime to score a large amount of blow, giving them “something to hold onto.”
Obviously, “it’s not all about velocity” as Washington insists – he’s got a stash to hold him over for a week max, but “placing the (8)-ball where you want to place it, as in right up their noses, maybe even freebasing some of the shit.
Of course, without letting on to Hamilton they’re holding – that guy is a total fucking mooch.
Finally, of course Washington is going to say that, despite Harden’s struggles, he has seen the pitcher go on to have “some very good seasons.” You’re never going to badmouth the guy who may be hooking you up with a boatload of blow, dude.
Now that I have spelled it all out for you, does it make more sense now? I mean, it couldn’t be any more clear that this Washington guy is cuckoo for cocaine, right?
Ron Washington on Rich Harden: “I’d like to see him step it up” [The Dallas Morning News]