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Wait, Does The Christian Broadcasting Network Have An NFL Pregame Show?

Be forewarned, NFL sinners, Kurt Warner is likely to be coming to a television screen near you, preaching the Good Word of Jesus-friendly football analysis.

Which begs the question, given Warner’s predilection for Christian-themed pontificating, wouldn’t Warner be a better fit providing NFL analysis on a show more fitting with his belief system, say, The 700 Club on the Christian Broadcasting Network? You know, as opposed to slumming it with godless heathens like Berman, Bradshaw, or, God forbid, James Brown?

No, I’m serious. JB is a true-life, Pentagram-worshiping, baby-sacrificing Satanist. Don’t believe me? Look it up.

JB’s insatiable bloodlust for evil and depravity aside, Warner did address his potential future involvement with the NFL during an interview with USA Today.

“I don’t think there’s any question, I’ll probably be doing something in the fall (as an analyst) to some degree,” Warner said.

“It’s just a matter of right now trying to figure how extensive that’s going to be.”

As you may recall, Warner retired from football after this past season. He went with the tried-and-true reason of wanting to “spend more time with his family.” Not surprisingly, Warner has likely realized that the grass isn’t necessarily greener on the other side of the fence. This happens to these professional athletes all too frequently. They think how wonderful it is going to be to wake up every morning, fix the kids breakfast and drive them to school.

Reality begins to sink in after a couple of weeks or months, when dragging their sorry ass out of bed every morning, feeding the little bastards a Pop Tart (“No, you will eat them cold and you will like it”), scrambling around the house to get them ready so he can cart their ungrateful asses back and forth to school only to have to drive them to their “how many of these can one child be involved in?” activities isn’t quite as appealing as he thought. Before he knows it, theĀ  lure of being away from home 90% of the time doesn’t look quite so bad.

The surprising part is you wouldn’t expect this sort of spiteful attitude out of a God-fearing guy like Kurt Warner. But it happens. It happens.

Kurt Warner: No question he’ll be working as an NFL TV analyst this year [USA Today]