Wake N’ Blog For March 5th: Couple Spends Wedding Night In Jail, Better Than The Crappy Motel 6 They Had Reservations At

Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, complaints, sonnets and/or haikus praising SOB to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.

• Blushing bride Ann Putignano-Keene has been charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon after trying to run over a former lover of her new husband, Timothy Keene, with her car. The groom, a registered sex offender, was charged with disorderly conduct. If these kids can’t make it, what chance is there for anyone else? [MSNBC/AP]

• John Daly claims that doctors working for Callaway tried to force him to take anti-depressants. [The Sporting Blog]

• Former Seahawks wide receiver Nate Burleson has signed a contract with the Detroit Lions worth $25 million, $11 million of that which is guaranteed. That ain’t right. [Shutdown Corner]

• The Top 10 reasons Chicago is to blame for Milton Bradley’s poor season last year. [Five Tool Tool]

• OMG! Jamie Grubbs allegedly cheated on Tiger Woods with UFC fighter. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

• The giant inflatable beaver movement is getting out of control. [Out of Bounds]

• If you are not listening to the House of Punte podcasts, you are missing out. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

• Ohio State head coach Jim Tressel did an interview with an LGBT magazine. Huh. [EDSBS]

• Florida Panthers radio guy Randy Moller’s goal calls are awesome. [Epic Carnival]

• Showing off, Golden Tee style. [Sharapova’s Thigh]

• Joakim Noah was as goofy-looking at age 12 as he is today. [Ball Don’t Lie]

• A look at the reasons behind why LeBron James rejected certain numbers for his jersey change. [That NBA Lottery Pick]

• Here’s a breakdown on how the average American man spends his day. [Uncoached]

• The Onion Headline of the Day: Houseguest Just Going To Lie There Until Rest Of House Wakes Up