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College Basketball

John Calipari Will Never Achieve His Dreams Of Becoming A Hand Model Now

Metal clipboard: 1, John Calipari’s hand: 0.

During Kentucky’s 74-65 loss to Tennessee on Saturday, Wildcats head coach John Calipari elected to take some of his frustration regarding what was going on out on the court on his clipboard. The problem was the clipboard is metal and Calipari subsequently injured his hand taking out his aggression on an inanimate object. The anger management-challenged coach was seen at practice on Tuesday with his right hand heavily bandaged as a result of his losing battle with the clipboard.

And since it appears Calipari cannot do anything without acting like a total douche, he explained that the reason he uses a metal clipboard is because of his strength and how he would routinely destroy wooden ones.

“The other one I used to just be able to tap and it would break,” Calipari said. “Somebody gave me a steel clipboard. Because of my strength, I really dented it, but it didn’t break.”

Just a light tap would break his old, standard, run-of-the-mill clipboards, huh? If that’s the case, I assume Calipari, considering his superhuman strength, has to be extremely careful in his everyday life. You know, with things like opening his car door carefully so he doesn’t rip it right off the hinges, delicately petting his dog so as not to bash its skull in and most importantly, showing the utmost caution when strong-arming his way out of coaching programs which find themselves under intense scrutiny due to the reckless and egotistical manner in which he goes about his business. Stuff like that.

Calipari’s right hand bandaged [ESPN/AP]