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Syndicated Columnist Norman Chad Has Had Just About Enough Of These Dang Olympics

And he’s got the zingers to prove it! Submitted for your approval is the column, “Are the Olympics over yet?” penned by none other than Norman Chad (pictured above, sideways for some reason) who many of you may know from his nationally-syndicated column The Couch Slouch as well as his commentating work on ESPN’s coverage of the World Series of Poker.

Well, to put it bluntly, Mr. Chad is sick and tired of the Winter Olympics. In fact, he’s had all he can stands and he can’t stands no more! And let me tell you, after reading this brilliant column, I would suggest he take this material on the road and open up for Dane Cook or Paula Poundstone or Gallagher or whoever the devil it is you kids are packing the comedy clubs to see these days.

Allow me to illustrate. He has a solid opening:

For those of you watching the Winter Olympics – and apparently there are millions of lost souls doing just that – you may have noticed, to paraphrase Gertrude Stein’s famous line about Oakland, there’s no there there, only it’s colder. NBC is giving us 17 straight nights of winter inactivity – imagine if you had tuned in to “Roots” in 1977 for eight consecutive evenings and Kunta Kinte never got off the couch.

This guy knows how to work an audience. There are few things funnier than making light of a historic miniseries about slavery. I am liking the cut of his jib, I’ll tell you that much.

He loses a little of his steam in the second act:

On a positive note, NBC is losing so much money on the Winter Olympics, it might need a bailout from Jay Leno.

(Incidentally, if NBC wanted higher ratings, it should’ve marketed these Games as emanating from Vancouver-o.)

Could somebody explain this one to me? I am lost.

And who can argue with any event that sidelines the National Hockey League for two weeks?

(The NHL shuts down during the Olympics and MLS stops play during the World Cup. So can’t we get the WNBA to go on hiatus during QVC’s Fashion Week?)

Once again, not quite sure where Chad is going with this one. A rare miss.

But here comes Chad’s big finish, and anybody who has worked in comedy knows that you have to leave the audience laughing.

I also must inform viewers that on NBC, when it does say “LIVE” in the corner of your screen, that means, “Maybe LIVE, maybe NOT.”

Footnote: This column used to be live, but lately I’ve found it reads better the longer it’s delayed. NBC might want to take the same tack with Al Trautwig.

I have no idea who this Al Trautwig fellow is, but his name is hilarious! It causes me to picture a fish wearing a hairpiece in my head. This is gold medal-worthy stuff.

Norman Chad: the poor man’s Rick Reilly. You know, because Chad probably only makes a couple million dollars a year to write this stuff.

Are the Olympics over yet? [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]