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In Which Dan Shaughnessy Takes An Olympic-Sized Dump On Lindsey Jacobellis

Geez, talk about an epic example of being a day late and a dollar short on something. Multiplied by four or five.

Dan Shaughnessy, in his red-headed, Johnny-Come-Lately wisdom, decided it was high-time for somebody – anybody – to finally call out Lindsey Jacobellis for her lackadaisical, nonchalant attitude regarding the sanctity of the Olympic Games and the respect for which she has casually disregarded. No sir, Miss Jacobellis – who Shaughnessy dubs “the poster-girl of young fans and athletes who love X-treme sports” – ain’t getting away with it – not on Shaughnessy’s watch – in his mind, if no one else has the guts to say it, by God, he’ll do it. Enough with this “new generation of daredevil athletes, free birds who value image and fun over conventional standards of success.”

Free bird? Play some Skynyrd then!

Too bad he missed the boat by about five days and several other old school media members have already had their say, including one of Shaughnessy’s more moronic colleagues, Bill Plaschke, trying, yet failing miserably, to get medieval all over Jacobellis’ ass – last Wednesday. But we appreciate the effort, Dan. We really, really do.

If you are unfamiliar with Shaughnessy’s work – which would be a good thing – he starts off his column, “Unapologetic Jacobellis a poster girl for all the wrong reasons” – in which he attempts to tear Jacobellis a new one – with the following line:

“Whoops. She did it again.” Holy Christ, that’s horrible – even for Shaughnessy, who splits his time writing dimwitted columns for Sports Illustrated and penning Boston-centric columns at the Globe.

Shall we begin? I am just hitting a few of the low points of his column today. Really, it’s all you will need to know about it.

That’s what kills me about the whole concept. Jacobellis has grown up in a video-highlight world in which values (and rewards) style over substance. Better to look good and fail than to succeed by doing something awkward.

And believe you me, Dan Shaughnessy knows all about not looking good and doing something awkward. Take a look at the guy, for crying out loud.

I can’t say I know what a “truck driver grab” is, but I know when an athlete is flipping us the bird and this was it. Once again, her fun, her statement was more important that representing the United States of America in Olympic competition.

Goddamn, Jesus-hating commies – each and every one of ’em, I tells ya. And yes, a “truck driver grab” is not someone flipping you (or your country – THESE COLORS DON’T RUN, JACOBELLIS!) the bird. That’s called the “truck driver salute.” Also, in some circles, a “truck driver grab” is something experienced in a deserted rest stop bathroom that causes such an incredible amount of shame that no many hot showers you take, you will ever be able to scrub it all away. So I’ve heard. Shaughnessy knows what I’m talking about.

Unapologetic Jacobellis a poster girl for all the wrong reasons [SI]
Predictably, Bill Plaschke Has Something Stupid To Say About Lindsey Jacobellis [Deadspin]