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Olympics

BREAKING NEWS: Proof That Johnny Weir Cannot Possibly Be Gay

I know there has been a lot of discussion lately regarding U.S. figure skater Johnny Weir’s sexual orientation (I refer you to Deadspin’s feature, “Today In Euphemizing Johnny Weir’s Gayness”), but let me be the first to break it to you that no, Johnny Weir is not in fact a homosexual man (not that there’s anything wrong with it).

He can’t be, not after you read about how he intends to decorate his room in Olympic Village:

Weir plans to hang a big picture in his room of Lady Gaga, who he says will be “watching over us, protecting us.”

So, there you have it. That’s about as straight as you can get. What gay man would adorn his walls with the sexy, titillating image of Lady Gaga in poster form? Don’t believe me? Submitted for your approval:

Nope, a Lady Gaga poster pretty much confirms that Johnny Weir has the heterosexual hormones of a teenager.

I mean, I am a HUGE Lady Gaga fan and I am as straight as they come. She’s great. Talented, sexy, the whole kit and caboodle. If there was anything remotely gay about being goo-goo for Gaga¬† – well sir, that would be mind-blowing news to me.

Wait. What’s that? Really? Gay icon? You sure?

Oh, man. I mean, oh, um, woman. Yep, women. Hot, naked, horny, slutty women. Nothing better, amirite? You gotta love chicks!

Ugh. This is not good. I feel so un-fabulous right now.

U.S. team settling in, Lady Gaga on watch | Olympics notebook [The Seattle Times]
For Gay Activists, The Lady Is a Champ [The Washington Post]