Wait, New York City Has Better Food Than Indianapolis? Get Outta Here!
Who woulda thunk it, right? Leave it to the New York Daily News to blow the lid off a mind-blowing informational powder keg like this. Ready? According to one New York City resident (Matt Lysiak, the writer of the article) who made the trip to Indianapolis for the AFC Championship game between the Colts and the Jets, the quality of cuisine that can be found in Indianapolis pales in comparison to what one can get in New York City. I mean, Indianapolis only has eight million less people living in its city limits, and those residents are just a smidgen less diverse than the City That Never Sleeps, so what gives?
Here’s the premise of this article.
Daily News reporter Matt Lysiak is in Indianapolis for the upcoming playoff game between the New York Jets and Indianapolis Colts. But he’s finding his taste buds missing the sweet flavors of New York City, as he ranks the local grub to that found in New York City.
Brilliant! So, there you have it: a gastrointestinal battle royal pitting the city called “The Crossroads of America” and the sprawling metropolis known as “The City So Nice They Named It Twice.” WHO YA GOT?
A breakdown of Lysiak’s findings follow.
(Don’t even waste our time starting with bagels…don’t even waste our time starting with bagels…)
Price: $1.50 for a bagel with schmear of cream cheese.
Review: This place is New York from its corned beef to its pumpernickel bagel.
Price: $3.25 for a bagel with cream cheese.
NYC OR INDY: Tie. Shapiro’s would make any Jets fan feel at home
Wait, what? Now that’s a shocker. I assumed the entire point of the article was so New Yorkers could look down their noses at corn-fed Midwesterners. Amazing. Moving on…
Price: $8.95 for the Cadillac Burger, a half pound of Angus beef with lettuce and tomato on a Kaiser roll.
Review: Ugh, a no-frills burger served at an outdoor rustic patio under a highway. Weird.
Price: $9.95 for a charcoal grilled burger.
NYC OR INDY: NYC. Pete’s is our longest continuously operating bar and restaurant. Can’t beat history.
Ugh, indeed. What’s the point of eating on an outdoor patio if you aren’t going to be annoyed by panhandlers or witness a mugging? Lame.
CHOCOLATE EGG CREAM
In Indianapolis, are you kiddin’ me?
Price: Zip, couldn’t find one.
Gem Spa in the East Village
Price: $2.50 for a large.
NYC OR INDY: No contest — really.
Alright, here’s a novel concept: go in search of a food item that there is virtually no chance of finding in Indianapolis, then be sarcastic about the fact you couldn’t find it. Up next from the Daily News pitting the AFC Championship cities against one another: “Better Times Square? New York City or Indianapolis?”” Zip, couldn’t find one. In Indianapolis, are you kiddin’ me?”
King David Dogs
Price: $4.79 for the “New York Dog” with New York-style onion sauce, spicy brown mustard and sauce.
Review: Tastes good, but who pays five bucks for a hot dog?
NYC OR INDY: Nathan’s. Of course.
I know! Who in their right mind would pay five bucks for a hot dog? You would have to be a moron, right? Paying $2,500/month for a studio apartment on the Upper East Side is one thing, but any sane New Yorker would have to draw the line on paying an extra couple of bucks for a hot dog on principle alone.
Price: $2.80 for slice.
Review: Crust okay, but sauce flavorless — kind of like the Colts.
Nino’s Pizza in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Price: $2.50 for a slice.
Review: Out of this world!
NYC OR INDY: Fuhgeddaboudit, NYC.
Flavorless sauce – just like the Colts! Hey-oh!!! It’s nearly implausible to imagine that a city, according to the 2000 census, had a population that was comprised of 8.7% Italians would have better pizza. Absolutely, positively, mind-blowing. Although I wonder why Mr. Lysiak didn’t use Sbarro’s as the New York pizza parlor for comparison. Every New Yorker knows that’s the place to go if you want to get an authentic New York slice.
So, in the end, we have learned that the cuisine found in New York City might have a leg up on the cuisine that can be found in Middle America. While that may be the case, Indianapolis has one thing going for it that New York City will never have: no one will bat an eye in Indy if you enjoy eating your popcorn like it’s in a trough.
Food playoff: Indiana vs. New York; Big Apple has Hoosiers beat [New York Daily News]