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Russian Tennis Player Claims He’s Not A No-Talent Fame-Whore

davydenko

On a hot streak heading into the Australian Open, having recently beat both Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal en route to winning the ATP Tour Finals in London, Russian tennis star Nikolay Davydenko would like to get a few things off his chest. After destroying German Dieter Kindlmann 6-1 6-0 6-3 in the first round, Davydenko sat down with reporters and gave them some wonderful, provocative answers, albeit in incredibly broken, hard-to-understand English. Really, is there anything better than observing someone butcher the English language? Obviously, you must agree otherwise you wouldn’t be on this blog.

First of all, despite his burgeoning level of fame in his homeland of Russia, he’s not some sort of publicity hound constantly seeking attention. In fact, his knowledge of American culture must be well-rounded, as he claims he’s “not Paris Hilton.” Burn.

“I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be like (Rafa) Nadal, (Roger) Federer. These guys I never see by breakfast. They stay in the room and take room service.

“For me better go downstairs take breakfast, or dinner to go somewhere — not to be so much famous.”

To be honest, I have no idea if he is saying he doesn’t want to be famous like Nadal and Federer or if he simply wants to order to-go food after he takes a breakfast, which I assume is a Russian euphemism for having your morning constitutional, to use the parlance of our times.

In addition to defeating the two biggest stars in men’s professional tennis at the ATP Tour Finals, he also defeated U.S. Open champion Juan Martin Del Potro, who compared playing against Davydenko to facing a PlayStation character. This is where the Russian drops some knowledge on all of us:

“I want to be fast. I want to be running fast,” Davydenko said. “Del Potro told me now I am like PlayStation 3. Everybody is thinking I am very fast on the court.

“Now I try to be faster and faster and come to level PlayStation 4. I hope I can do this. It’s very important to me.”

Come to level PlayStation 4. Now that’s some serious smack talk right there. This Davydenko fella is ahead of his time, man. He’s playing so well right now he’s like a video game system that haven’t even been invented yet, whatever that means. That reminds of  back in the day when I would tell the neighborhood kids that I was about to go Nintendo Entertainment System on their asses in kickball when they were still messing around with their Intellivision or Atari 5200 consoles. Punk-asses didn’t know how to get with the times. Losers.

‘I’m no Paris Hilton!’ says Davydenko [Reuters]